am i or am i not?

am i the burden basting in

expensive needs and professional help?

am i the body that lays down for an autopsy in search of a heart that meant to be beating furiously?

am i subsidizing your bias trades,

trades amongst the demons and angels fighting a undeclared war in my head?

am i good enough and deserving of your love and support?

am i more than my medicines and therapy?

am i a strong soldier or flawed failure?

or is it god's grace that's kept me alive till now?

is it the drastic manic episodes thats ruined all of my relationships thats captured my entire body,

from each blood cells to organs?

am i soul who would later rest in peace

or drown in the pool of sadness my past left me with?