Alright, Enough

“That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end.” ― Elizabeth Wurtzel

Spiralling can happen at any time, I've found. One minute, one hour, one day, one glorious day I will feel fine, right as rain and then the next minute, hour, day I'm drawn into the deepest, darkest, den of despair, detachment, disillusion and disassociation. Floating with feathers barely keeping me from falling for infinity. All it takes is one thought, one dark, grey thought that wrecks me, wretched, woeful me. That I'm as loathsome, repellent and no good as the inner whatever you want to call it, thinks and says loud and clearly that I am... "There is something wrong with his appearance; something displeasing, something downright detestable. I never saw a man so disliked."

There are times when I want to say

(so many times, so many times)

"Alright, okay, that's it, enough"

*

breathe

*

When the deep dark won't face away

(deep, deep dark won't face away)

and the bright light won't rise up

*

breathe, you're not choking

*

The days when washing, and normalcy

(days of washing and normalcy)

feel like too much effort, too much

*

breathe

*

And facing the world beyond my door

(facing the world, facing the world)

is something I'd rather just ignore

*

breathe, you're not drowning

*

Those are times when I want to say

(times I want to say, want to say)

"Alright, okay, that's it, enough"

*

breathe

*

Then get up, get out and face today

(get up, get out, face today today)

and let the bright light, shine on

*

breathe, just breathe

*

You see, I know I will feel better

(will feel better, will feel better)

if I put me first, and take a step

*

breathe

*

One step forward, not two or three

(one not two, three, just one step)

one step to calm, one step to care

*

breathe, just breathe

*

One step to balm my soul. to care

(to balm my soul, to balm my soul)

Then I will finally be able to say

"Alright, okay, that's it, I am enough"

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.” ― Ernest Hemingway

*

Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: I am okay, just incase you worry. When I wrote this I was dipping into those harder, darker times. Wanted to create something that would make people in similar situations feel less alone and would help them see, no matter how long it takes, there is a way out.

The Elizabeth Wurzel quote is from her book Prozac Nation, the Ernest Heminway is from A Fairwell to Arms and the there is a quote at the end of the opening paragraph from Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson, where Mr. Enfield describes Mr. Hyde to Mr. Utterson.

Here are some other things: