Pain seems to be etched into my skin. Bane of my existence.
Carved like ancient readings, ingrained in my soul.. Braille to you.
October was always kind to me. Home.
Or .. I yearn for it to be naturally so, thus I carefully craft. Safety. Trust. Comfort. Family. False sense of security. Much like my deluded state within whatever “us” was.
Taking 13 steps toward healing, shrapnel pierces my heels and stabs my core.
I cannot waver. I must not falter.
I have no choice. Tomorrow arrives for its bounty.
Unsure of myself now. Second guessing every breath.
Feeling weak. Can’t sleep through the night.
Feel like I used my strength lifting you to new heights.. and now I fall.
Who am I enough for? Why did I believe you?
I feel like the depths of the ocean undiscovered..
I feel like I’m falling.. flailing.. begging to be put out of my misery.
Praying for the strength to heal.
Praying for a stronger connection within myself.