All I Wanted

Attempting to capture the vast complexity of our story—is a challenge. I’ll take it a step further—it is a fool’s errand, a cliché I love all too much.

But that it remains, a fool’s errand, a circular journey. Because for every moment of darkness, there was a laugh, smile, or otherwise-formed injection of joy and honesty into my life.

Love and experience cannot be divvied up into pros and cons.

Choosing a partner, perhaps, but the love itself… the experience of being with someone… Are both spectral, nuanced—defined by little other than the feeling evoked at a particular moment.

Objectivity has little place in love, in fact, love is painfully subjective. Experiential. A unique bond that most everyone can relate to, but nobody can know.

In this moment of reflection, the goal is abundantly clear… To arrive at a place where the first thought of you, of us, triggers a smile, not sadness. Laughter, not tears. Who we were, not who we became.

For me, I feel progress. Traction. That unspeakable sorrow might be loosening its grip on our story.

That—is my truth. My goal.

It is all I wanted, all I want.

And for the first time, it occurs to me that it might be possible.