again and again, wolf-boy

You, my friend, are wind and rain and rage

And fear and grief

You don’t understand

You don’t understand

How we have weathered you time and again

I wish you understood that we so badly want

Your soft breezes and sunshowers

I wish you understood

That we have been here while you were unseeing

But we cannot calm your winds

We cannot soothe your thunder

It is yours

You are a storm, my friend

And we have weathered you

Through floods and landslides and droughts

Built up our battlements, adapted to your conditions

Rather than move to safer pastures

Because we want your soft breezes and sunshowers

~*~*~

We repeat and repeat and repeat

Until our throats are sore

Until our patience has thinned

Until our hope has waned

And you abandon yourself

While we are still here

Yes it is your fault

Yes you’ve driven us away

Yes we’re tired

No, you aren’t unworthy of love

No, you aren’t incapable of change

No, you aren’t stuck in these patterns

You can’t even grasp that

You’ve been given chances

Again

And again

From people you have been hurting

While you have been hurting

Again

And again

It’s not your fault

You have wounds three decades festered

You coped the only way you could

And it isn’t fair

But you cannot learn by mimicking

The same harm that was done against you

The struggle is the consequence

The struggle is the opportunity

More scars won’t save you

I know you’re tired

I’m tired for you

I’m tired

But you are still responsible for the

Harm you caused

You have not taken accountability

You want us to move forward as if

We have not been living

With the fear and hopelessness

You created

~*~*~

Your words are empty when they aren’t paired with actions

We can’t trust you

We’re still running on blind faith

We can’t believe you

It’s always the same

The boy crying wolf

When the boy is the wolf

When the wolf is the boy

He’s howling

It’s crying

He’s crying

It’s howling

The cage isn’t locked

You can leave whenever you want

But how can you ask us to offer

Our hands

When you have bitten them

Again and

Again

You’re a young dog

You can learn new tricks

Your mistreatment is a shame

And your pain is not your fault

But your escape is your responsibility

You won't find safety in the same

People

And patterns

That hurt you

In the first place

~*~*~

My friend

I miss you

I want to know the boy

I think knew him years ago

But the wolf came out and now

The boy unrecognizable

There is nothing to crawl back to though

There is a boy beyond the wolf

The wolf that learned to survive

To protect the boy

But the wolf too is fighting the boy

The wolf is tired

The boy is tired

Please, tame the wolf

Please help it

Please help him

I know you want to meet

The boy

As much as I do

~*~*~

If your safety and joy

Was guaranteed

I would be okay

Never speaking to you again

I’ve shared your pain and rage and fear

For so long

And sometimes

I wonder if

I have given up

Hope

That sharing in your joy and curiosity

Is out of reach

But I can’t let it go

Completely

That hope

That you’ll weather your storms

That you’ll tame your wolf

And in a heartbeat,

I would sacrifice the privilege

Of sharing it with you

If it meant you were safe

If it meant you overcame it all

Because your joy is more

Important

Than our friendship

I hope you understand

~*~*~

I could not forget you, wolf boy

Your art is inked on my skin

My life is not better without you

My heart is not lighter with you gone

Please do not leave believing

You are not important to me

Please understand

That it hurts

To see

You hurt yourself

Again

And again

I am not gone

But I know that is

As good as gone

In your eyes

Wolf boy,

In your eyes

Attention is devotion

Love is giving

All of yourself

And I have given

All that I can

And it can’t be

All of me

My words have fallen on ears

That can hear but

Struggle to understand

I don’t claim to know

Your mind

But Wolf boy

I wish you would believe me

I wish you could

Have

All that you need

Boy, I wish you could

Understand

I want my friend

To be safe and well

But wolf, you bite the hand

Again

And again

~*~*~

FIN

Thank you so much for reading. Poetry is not a medium I usually gravitate towards but it is very significant to the person I am writing about. It is always very vulnerably to write for me.

I am a disabled writer and Vocal is my only source of income, so if you enjoyed my work and would like to support me, please consider leaving a tip.

— Rooney