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Again

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By haley spurrierPublished 5 years ago 2 min read
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It almost happened again. I stopped them but it brought back all those horrible memories. I actually told someone this time. They’ve been ignoring me since. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe I deserve all of it. I always wished that no one I cared about would feel any pain. Maybe this is it. Maybe I have to endure all of this pain so that no one else has too. But if that’s the case then why are other’s feeling pain.

I’m in love again. I have been for a while but you being here has only made me fall deeper in love. I don’t know what to do. You live so far away. I wish I had met you sooner. Or later. Just not now. Not when we can’t give us a fighting chance. You made all these promises when we started out but then you had to leave. now, even though I’m in love with you, you aren’t in love with me.

I hurt myself again. But then you got really mad and threatened to leave if I did it again. This is before I told you I was almost raped again and you started ignoring me. I don’t like making you mad or hurting you so I promise I won’t do it again. We were supposed to hang out this morning but you didn’t answer. I just want you to talk to me and comfort me. I could really use a friend.

I feel broken again. I came home from school and started crying. It sucks because I was doing so good and I was able to tell you about my problems. You were actually trying to help me. Even though you told me that’s impossible. Now I’m just sitting here crying and those little pieces that I thought I had put back to together are starting to come apart. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

I want to die again. I haven’t wanted to in a long time. Even the last time I tried I didn’t really wanna die. I just wanted the pain to go away. But between the phone call and the metro and yesterday... maybe the world doesn’t have a happy ending for me after all. The worst part is each time you promised me forever, I believed you. I thought maybe you could be my happy ending. I guess I was wrong.

heartbreak
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