After a Narcissist

The glow still hangs about you when he walks in...

He sees it and your shoulders tense

You swallow a bit and force yourself to stand straight and not slump

Or slump and not stand straight whichever position matches the mood

He's in.

You once told yourself

How you’d never be in a violent relationship

That nothing or no one could ever make you remain in a violent situation

That no man or anyone was worth the ugliness of tolerating violence

And then he tricked you

They tricked you

And u learned that violent men

Have violent people

So safety becomes a little trickier

You

them

align your survival chances on him

What if he heard your thoughts

what if she told him on you

the worries never end

real woes become imagined and

imagined ones become real

When he comes at you this time you can feel the violence

emanating from him

and all thoughts of happiness

or your girlfriend

are voided as you grit your teeth

and strengthen your determination to live

Right as he hits you

all your will is centered to survive and

the next day

everyone is leering unspoken questions hanging in their eyes

why do you stay with him

and you want to yell

as if you don't know

I have no other options

So in this fashion years may pass

When you finally get away

All of the friends you thought you had

Are not your friends

All the people that you once thought you knew

Are down with him, down with abuse, or influenced by him

You are lucky to have escaped with your life

In another town

And other places

He tracks you

He grows

And others like him feel entitled to run you

own you

And you begin to think perhaps

I should have made it work

Because all the others in your world look at you

Like you should just give up

give in

and deny your life

Its whole work and hopes

Because he has made it so hard on you

So hard on them

And after all

Who are you

To survive and exist and have a new life without him

His thoughts and wishes color everything around you

Everything you come into contact with

And poison all of your chances for happiness and success

No matter how hard you work

Or good you are

or at it

Or successful

Everything in your life

Is touched by him

Owned by him

And destroyed by him

Why?

Because your existence and happiness

Does not feed him

Why?

Because he can

Because hes adept at manipulation

situations, people, places and things

Why?

Because your existence as a separate being with thoughts and a plan hurts his ego

bruises his fragile lack of actual confidence

And leaves him feeling out of control of something

That something beautiful and strong and fragile and talented in this world

Isn't derived from him

Isn't controlled by her

Because not all girls are your friends

And quite frankly at this point

They are probably all his.

Eventually you come to a point in life

Where only the factors above influence matter to you

Into this point

A place of freedom is born

A place to heal

To mend

To create

A place where his ego

And its wants

Lose priority

Because no matter how big the manipulations

Or how grand the manipulator

There is always something bigger

better

And eventually if all other sanctity fails

The sanctity of this

his inability to accept the other world

The one where his ego

Isn't the all consuming mania

Isn't absolute override

The one where other people matter

Well the other world exists