Afraid of Love

I was asked why am I afraid of love.

It was an impromptu session but everything I spoke had realness involved.

However, it’s not love that I’m afraid of.

It’s not being cared for and caring for someone else that I’m afraid of.

It’s not the thought of waking up and falling asleep to the same person everyday that I’m afraid of.

It’s not kissing the same lips over and over again as if I were kissing him for the first time.

It’s not holding hands and

Not embarking on random dates,

Not expressing romantic entities that I’m afraid of.

It’s not love that I’m afraid of.

What I’m afraid of is loving and not being loved back.

What I’m afraid of is loving and feeling as if he doesn’t feel or ever will feel the same.

It’s being more than he needs me to be while he’s being whatever he wants to be not even caring about me.

It’s not love that I’m afraid of.

It’s the fear of looking as if I am a plum fool for even deciding to give him a chance.

It’s not love that I fear.

It’s the fear that I’ll be hurt like I’ve been hurt before.

That hurt I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

It’s the fear of having my heart shattered into a million little pieces again that took me YEARS to glue back together.

Keep in mind I used super glue.

It’s the ONLY glue that held it all together.

However it’s not love that I’m afraid of.

More like giving my all, giving all my love, giving my whole heart while there’s no him giving even a fourth of what I have to give.

It’s not love that I’m afraid of but years of commitment that I’ll never get back once he decides he’s done.......