Afraid

I was afraid.

Although I hate to admit it, it burned my stomach, to my heart, and reached my brain. I tried not to fall apart at the scene, try to make it clear what I'm not thinking!

I was afraid.

I tried to find the reason in my gut. Maybe it was because I've never felt so secure, but so unsafe. Was it him?

I was afraid.

Could it have been my dad? He used to be my flying Superman, then he fell. Then every boy I looked at seems to go to hell. They all were bad, they all were mean. They seem to only want one thing.

I was afraid.

No I can't let them know that I like them. I can't let them know what I feel.

I'll be considered a dramatic sentimental prude. That just can't get down and grove. They go at their slow beat I as they are high as the moon. But the only beat I can follow is my heart. Even if it was in million pieces they all followed the same beat.

It's hard to understand how I could be so broken when I never let anyone in. And for that I guess it was a sin, so now I'm considered the stuck-up Christian.

No one knows why I'm so alone and distant. No one cares how I got so broken. No one asks or listens.

I can't relate, I'm so lonely I'm left afraid!

So I can only follow my heart beat, till I fall asleep. My troubled mind can't speak, so the thoughts get trapped inside and I wilt, as so does my will to live.

Then I'm not afraid anymore. Now my fears are scared of me because they can't defeat me...only I can now...