ADVICE TO A YOUNG QUEER ON NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY

ADVICE TO A YOUNG QUEER ON NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY

Dear one,

In honor of this National Coming out Day,

there are three things you must do:

1. Learn to dance: whether it’s vogue-ing, two step, contra or whatever’s up on TikTok, it is your heritage. Own it.

2. Be proud of who you are, and we will be proud with you.

3. If coming out to your parents

is a stupid idea,

for whatever reason,

don't let us talk you into it.

*

Don't be swayed by our tshirts,

or our bullhorns

or It Gets Better - be smart.

If you live in a home with no doors,

don't set off the dynamite.

If you go to a school with more guns

than teachers,

don't paint yourself the target.

*

Staying in the closet does not make you a liar or coward.

It is not your job to be the lone flier

of the rainbow flag, wherever you are.

You are only responsible for keeping yourself alive and sane,

and if that means coming out –

if sanity looks too much like honesty

to have it any other way –

even with broken teeth and bloodied fists

and holy words shattering your eardrums –

we wish you luck.

We understand.

*

But even I -

the out-and-get-used-to-it-proud

have pretended to be

the roommate, or the close friend

in front of my lover's parents,

because I do not begrudge them an ounce of their survival.

*

Listen, little hero, we love our martyrs:

our Harvey Milks, our Matthew Shepherds,

our Tyler Clementis, our gunshots

and bridges and fences.

We are so good at mourning,

but our vigils only comfort the breathing.

*

We are not coming

to your snarling school, your ice-crusted home,

your barbeque-firework town.

We are waiting for you, little hero,

in our sleepless cities and villages

at the end of the rainbow.

The ordeal and the enemies are worth it,

we will tell you.

*

But we are not as brave

as we tell you to be.

*

My own grandmother loves me more

when I only tell half the truth.

I do not begrudge you your survival.

You have permission to take care of yourself,

whether that means chatrooms, or knife blades,

or secret closets of the clothes you want to wear.

*

We are not coming.

Stay alive.

Stay sane.

You don’t owe us anything.

*

regretfully,

the rest of us