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Welcome to 2024, is there something you need?

If not, there will be. Let me just plant that seed.

Look at that girl! So flawless! So pure!

If you buy this lipstick, you could look just like her!

Or maybe this mascara, yeah that's it, that's the key!

Why look like you when you can look just like me?

Oh, you're still you? Well, that's no good at all.

Try this foundation, it will make your pores small.

You'll be a princess! No longer a toad!

And look, there's even an influencer code!

Oh that didn't work? Well, that's cuz you're fat.

You can't look like her when you look like that.

Try this pill, this smoothie, this tool.

What are you waiting for? Add to cart, fool!

What do you mean you ended up bigger?

That's not true, here- let us work on your figure!

You're not too big, in fact you're too small!

Let's add some fillers, saline, implants, add them all!

Now let's get some clothes to fit your new body.

No longer Plain Jane, You'll be the next biggest hottie!

Don't cover it up! Show it off. Bloom now, Flower.

They can't call you names because females empower.

Just a couple more tweaks before we're all done.

Add some nails, add some hair. Oh, isn't this fun?!

Buy those shoes! Get that purse! Hurry now! Add to cart!

Did I say we were done? I lied- it's only the start.

Your waist is too big, but we can fix that.

Cupping and lipo to suck out the fat.

Look at those wrinkles. Look at those bags.

No one will want to follow what sags.

Buy this program. It will help you tone up.

Add some more water to your Stanley cup.

Botox, creams, and patches to hide your old age.

Now get out there! Perform on your stage!

Make them follow and like, maybe send you a heart.

If they don't, buy them too. Just hit add to cart.

We'll give you a code to share with the masses!

Make them buy it all too. Consume now, Jackasses.