A Subtle Form of Torture

Everyone thinks anxiety is loud.

It’s panic attacks and sweating. Twitching and fidgeting.

Fast talking and hyperventilating.

Sometimes it is.

But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s much quieter.

It’s a million questions all at once.

It’s second guessing.

It’s rereading messages because maybe

You didn’t get your point across.

It’s clarifying the instructions just one more time.

It’s apologizing when it’s not your fault.

It’s needing to be reassured that your loved ones

Still love you.

It’s checking the time for the fourth time in two minutes.

It’s changing your mind again and again.

Because you don’t know which is the right answer.

It’s headaches and tight muscles.

It’s holding your breathe because if you don’t

You might fall apart.

It’s constant motion yet no motion at all.

It’s this constant feeling of wanting to do better

But feeling overwhelmed by the weight on your lungs.

And it’s exhausting.