A Spoonful of it

What am I afraid of?

I asked this question before,

and it is a lack of love.

Freer with the pen,

I begin to understand

that not much goes as planned,

but for this reason,

I sabotage myself,

again.

What if I am as successful

as I want to be?

What if I can move

as freely as my body

pleads to me?

I am done noticing,

because I scream knowing

that I am scared

and this is the reason,

I go back to too much.

Too much sugar,

food, spending,

and anything else lending

a helping hand

to making me unchanged.

So, maybe this is the time I type,

pick up my head,

and tell myself I have had too much,

since this is not enough.