A small world under the blanket

Sleep.Sleep.Sleep

Let no worries burn you deep

Let no shackles bind your dreams

If you are lost, no worries,

Just listen to your heart,

And she will guide you home alright!

Looking back, turning over the wheels of time in reverse, I can see the old 'me', the little 'me', contently relaxing over my father's shoulder as he walked to and fro through the silent nights trying to put me to sleep. One of the earliest memories that I hold close to my heart. One of the very few memories I have of my father. My fate was not merciful enough to let me have more time with my father. That loss left a big gaping hole and the nights became nightmares. But she was there. In spite of her own grief, she was there for me and my sister. For hours, we would lie on the bed trying hard to get some sleep but with little success. That is when she started telling stories for us. Not the usual bedtime stories out of storybooks. Not made-up stories either. She was bad at making up stories. Every time she made an effort to do so, she failed horribly. So, No.! Her stories were about her childhood, about her good and bad memories, about her home where she grew up, about her sister she lost at a young age, and how she tried to cope up with that. Every night this continued. Sooner or later, bedtime became the time for little discussions under the comfort of the blanket. Discussions about anything and everything.The small talks. About meaningful things.The little things. The little things that are easy to miss. The little things that eventually shaped me to be the person I am today.

Looking at you, I see me,

Looking at me, you see you,

I saw the world through your eyes

You saw the world change through my eyes..

Dear Amma, my dearest mother, you are my strength and my pride. The things that I learned from you were indeed my greatest gift from you. Your words helped me push through many crises. Whenever I was in doubt, I just instantly think, "What would mother say?" And then I knew what to do. You are my answer to every battle in my life.

Remember the time in my school days when I got super-competitive in everything I did and as a result was always on the edge of my nerves? I still remember the night when I admitted to you the actual reason behind my competitiveness. That I was afraid to be seen as a failure by my friends. That I was afraid to be judged by others. And you told me that it was okay. That it was okay not to rush things. It was okay to take time. To go at my pace and not to worry about what others think. That my aim should not be to please others but myself. That my only competition should be against me, myself. To be a better me. To live my life on my own terms rather than that of the society or people around me. "Don't compare what you have with others. We all have a different story to tell. Life is not a race and we all are not standing on the same starting line. So, just relax. If you have to compete, then just compete with your inner demons, your insecurities." Those words actually changed my perspective about a lot of things.

And I learned to chase my dreams,

To spread my wings, to dream big,

I did stumble on my way

But you held me through the way...

Whatever I have become today, it is all thanks to the courage you gave me to pursue my dreams. There was a time when it seemed like me and you against the world. When people around me tried to restrain me and started to tell me what I could and could not dream as a girl. You stood by me, like a shield and gave me the strength to fight all criticisms. You taught me how to stand up for myself and own my decisions, but at the same time, be wary of my words and actions. "The words spewed out of the mouth and the weapon swung out of hand cannot be retracted. So choose them carefully, use them with responsibility." I remember that this used to be your favourite motto. Whenever I ended up in a situation where I cannot control my anger, somewhere in the back of my head, I could hear you repeating those words. And that is how I get back my rationality. Silence can be also a powerful weapon in certain situations. I learned that lesson from you.

And the things I learned from you,

Just by looking at the way you do you,

That the little things matter,

That even the little things matter...

You stood your ground and tried to be strong for us. But behind your smiles, I could see the pain and struggle you were trying to hide. And that is when I learned there is more to everything I see. People will only show what they want the world to see. If you take a look closer, if you try to feel rather than just see things, eventually the real picture comes to focus. I realized this fact eventually, thanks to you. And as I observed closely, I noticed the little things, that could easily go unnoticed, such as how you helped others in need in ways you could, but how you were never vocal about it. When I asked about it one day, you told me that we all need a little help now and then. You asked me whether it was necessary to tell the whole world that you have helped someone? " If you are lending a hand to someone, do it without making much fuss about it. Protect the dignity of others as if it is yours. " Those words touched some soft spot in my heart. That was one of the moments I felt really proud to be born as your daughter.

Thanks Amma, for being you. For helping me perceive things with an open mind. For making me see the little things. For the small world of many possibilities, the door to which you opened in my childhood, through your small talks under the comfort of the blanket.