A Short List of Short Poems

A Short List of Short Poems

by Noah Bartel

Howdy,

I was a Middle School teacher for two years and often found myself composing Nashian poetry throughout my time there. I hope the following poems lift your day, even just a little.

“Why my students sweep the gym”

My students complain like the Israelites

And they often ask if this isaelrites

And I tell them no

And they proceed to go

Fill m’head with polymer physic’s spherulites.

But, they do/tend/oft make me chortle, laugh

Ask if I’ll be gen’rous on their behaugh

And I tell them no

And they proceed to go

Do chores because they didn’t do their maugh.

“Wallace is wearing Grandpa’s Sweater”

Thrift stores and Scotland’s First War

Seem to have much in uncommon.

Their lores overlap one-in-a-crore,

With Good Will, if you exammon.

"Illness"

YEEK!

I finally got Seek!

“Vow of Poverty”

I hate college Tuition

And mo’ money I’m wuition.

Cause debt builds,

Can’t be killeds.

What a distressing affliction!

“NEWS HEADLINE: BATTERS SOLVE RULE SQUABBLE VIA SINGLE COMBAT”

I cannot catch and I ain’t a batta.

I swing with closed eyes, blind Andabata.

Can’t play ball.

Can’t throw trawl.

I hate park and Colosseum hereafta.

"Life and Taxes"

My Government writes me a love letter, a billet-doux

Proclaiming it’s love, “Your bill is due.”

“The Great Chasm that is Fencing Drills”

My fencing students, in two lines, kvetch,

‘cause they’re tired, ordered like dogs to fetch.

“Advance” and complain,

“Retreat” and migraine,

Then χάος breaks loose as I order “Flétch!”

“Sleepwalking through Life”

I am in the dark, a somnambulist

Playing sidekick, a hero’s catalyst.

I fill in chitchat,

Like Hautecourt ‘n Aristocats...

You know, it’s not so bad being a deuteragonist!

“Conquistador of the Apocalypse”

Parently fist-fights for toilet paper

Will save us all from the virus-vapor.

I suspect it is

Well, ridicul-is.

But don’t blame me when I swing a Sabre!

"I had to look up Rhymes for 'again' "

Alas, my wordy talents gone to the wayside,

ne'er to be used again!

For reasons quite (I am quite) mystified.

To understand, I'll head towards Ahlen!

“Leftist Fascists Fake Moon Landing By Planting Flag On Mars” or “Jolly St. Nick Provided Information For The Third Reich”

I understand I can be quite haughty,

When my conspiracy theories’re shotty.

My vice is advice,

pretend to be nice,

Though I’m certain I’m Illuminaughty.

“This Animal Seriously Just Told Me To Go Home”

I have just discovered a genie-mule,

that grants wishes to lords, both Kind and Misrule.

What will you wish for?

Peace, or dollar?

Ah wait, I forgot to say: April Fool!

“Online classes disrupt my Circadian Rhythm”

Zooming to my classes got me fuming,

Fuming about classes got me swuning’,

So instead of pills,

Or seeking some thrills,

I end up sleeping instead of schuling.

Noah Bartel is an amateur horror writer, poet, and pixel artist (https://www.pixilart.com/nabbishdrew/gallery). If you have any comments, questions or criticisms, feel free to reach me at [email protected].