A Proper 'Fuck You'

I never had the chance to say 'fuck you' properly

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I made some mistakes like the human that I am

but I often was the mature one in our arguments

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Brave enough to confront

things that sat uncomfortably

Humble enough to swallow my pride

and apologize

when I realized my wrong doings

Secure enough to refrain from pointing fingers

and willing work to come to an understanding

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Among my efforts to have a mature conversation

while you were committed

to your immature ways of relating

I wasted my opportunity to say 'fuck you' properly

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Please allow me this moment to express myself

Since you threw a temper tantrum every time I tried to do that in the past

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Fuck you

for making me feel unsafe to express my feelings to you in fear that you would go off the deep end once again.

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Fuck you

for being the one who I fell for while swimming in my sea of suitors.

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Fuck you

for fucking over the one person who truly loved you more than anyone else. Know that because you didn't treat me right, someone else is now.

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Fuck you

for making me feel like asking for mutual respect was asking for too much.

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Fuck you

for only considering how my behavior hurt your feelings, without considering how your behavior hurt my feelings.

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Fuck you

for being so insecure that you thought anytime I confronted you about something that I was personally attacking you instead of wanting to solve a problem between us.

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Fuck you

for being so spinelessly worried about other people's opinions that you allowed gossip from your friends who never met me to ruin your perception of me, and all the good things we had in our relationship.

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Fuck you

for acting so self-righteous that you wouldn't even give me the time of day to try to clear things up with you when we had a misunderstanding.

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Fuck you

for being so heartless that you justified treating me like shit and discarding me like I was worthless because I unconsciously hurt you when I was going through the hardest time in my life.

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Fuck you

for being so childishly unfair with your "forgiveness", that you demonized me no matter how I tried to reconcile mistakes I've made.

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Fuck you

for being so defensive that you always assumed the worst of me no matter how pure my intentions were.

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Fuck you

for taking my apologies and efforts for granted.

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Fuck you

for making me feel like a fool by caring so much about you, and putting in as much effort as I did. When in the end you were only committed to being right, even if it meant making me seem like a malicious villain.

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Fuck you

for asking me to tell you how I was hurt by the things you did, then shifting the blame on me and not taking any accountability.

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Fuck you

for not having the courage to swallow your pride and say, "I'm sorry." When I expressed how the things that you did hurt me.

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Fuck you

for being so egocentric that the only time you could “honestly apologize" for hurting my feelings were incidents where you said some things that reflected your own low self-esteem.

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Fuck you

for being so immature that you find it a weakness to show your vulnerability.

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Fuck you

for only being brave enough to speak your truest, most beautiful feelings about me to a piece of paper and calling it poetry. Then treating me like you resent my existence when you finally speak to me.

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Fuck you

for reading my poetry, and not having the strength in your heart to actually face me.

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Fuck you

because although I have fully forgiven you, I had to finally stand up and speak about the horrible ways you treated me.

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Thank you

because as a result of your childishly cruel behavior towards me I refuse to allow anyone else to treat me less than human anymore than you already did.