A Poem of Feels

my internal emotions...

A Poem of Feels

colors can define a lot.

psychiatrists even diagnose patients by blots.

depending on how you see,

sometimes colors are all you need, to know which direction to proceed.

but what happens when all you know,

is black, and its opposite, the color of snow?

at some moment, as the earth is spinning,

you have felt like you were winning.

in some alternate universe's rotation,

karma comes and hits you with no explanation.

leaving in her wake,

a teardrop filled puddle, slowly becoming a lake.

deep breaths heaved in, as the choking feeling begins.

trying hard to hold it in staying sane,

it becomes too much, as she falls in pain.

gray has no longer kept her alive,

and she realizes this, as she searches quietly for a knife.

staring at the unknown reflection in the mirror,

her eyes are blood shot, and filled with fear.

a closet filled with rainbows of thoughtful choices,

no longer speak to her in colorful voices.

inside is her pain, filled with the blackest sorrow,

while the outside searches for black, in order to borrow,

strength from an exterior protector,

something given as a gift, made strictly for her.

donning the precious jewel,

she is nodding, in her refusal,

painting on her famous mask,

she pushes forward to continue her task.

to once again be able to see,

the rainbow hidden behind her colorless plea.

because even though her unstopping brain is tired,

continuously flowing thoughts keep her inspired.

anxiety is her friend, letting her know she is not alone,

sometimes she can call a friend on her phone.

sleep is always good, it gives her a short mental rest,

and normally she doesn’t eat much food, her weight always a battling quest.

people look at her as though she is crazy,

usually due to her memory that is hazy.

her days together all become a blur

and she knows that everyone all murmurs,

about passions and loved pieces of her she has left behind,

while trying to accomplish some peace of mind.

days to her are white, most likely the result of a giant floating ball that burns bright,

this is why when it turns black at night, she can feel her fear, flee in fright.

her moodiness ways are polar opposites, leaving her never knowing which mood fits the never ending stress, that always tends to win.

staying alive is her dream,

although her heart consistently tells her to scream.

that this world is not meant for her,

and people need to hear her words.

for normally the thoughts she has to say

are not meaningless and full of play.

rather, they are long, thought out, and planned

since there are plenty tasks that need her demand.

but her black and white way of seeing life, restrains her from letting them out,

so instead, she resorts to hiding away like a child, trying not to pout.

for she fears of being alone,

and never finding or having her forever home;

a warm colored space,

that never makes her feel out of place.

she needs a special man,

one who can guide her, while steadily holding her hand.

there is so much of herself she has given,

and he needs to show her, her life is worth living.

before she knows it, it will become too late,

and she will forever close her rainbow gate.

leaving her lost, in a colorless peak,

hoping and praying, never spilling a leak.

sad poetry
Jennifer Petersen
Jennifer Petersen
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Jennifer Petersen

love to think and pour my thoughts onto paper...  i enjoy writing mostly poetry, but also enjoy to envelop myself in deep thoughts of humanity and life ...

See all posts by Jennifer Petersen