A peak into my thoughts on being in love

Dear Lover,

I love being with you and yet, when I am not with you

sometimes, I wish you had never stepped into my life

that I could live in the bliss of not knowing you

of being utterly selfish

to be able to live without a plan or timeline again

I miss deep diving into life without a care in the world

I miss not feeling selfish for my desires

I miss me

but to tell you this would be the biggest heartbreak yet

you've become such a big part of my heart that to see you hurt

well that is a pain I can't even begin to fathom

my heart hurts just thinking about it

and truth be told I don't want to return to a life without you

I love, loving you

your goofy smile that melts my cold exteriors

the way you love to cook but hate fresh produce

the way you light up when I listen to you explain your many nerdy hobbies

I could camp out watching comedy with you any day of the week and not feel like I am missing out on a single thing

I can even handle your stubborn need to fact check everything, even the things that lie outside the constraints of logic

I just don't want to live in a box, full of boxes, and you my love, love to put thoughts, ideas, and even feelings inside of boxes

my mind cannot fit inside any shape

She refuses to be constrained by the boundaries of man and celestials alike

yet if I could never feel the comfort of being held by you

of watching the sun illuminate your face first thing in the morning

of hearing the chickens sing their egg song as we make breakfast together in nothing but underwear and your t shirts

of your chest cradling my head as we drift off to bed

of hearing about your many adventures through dreamland

I would feel like my days lost some of their color

and if I couldn't be there to remind you to take clove oil

or remind you to stay warm and be careful

to make sure you don't leave for work on an empty stomach

the worry in the back of my mind would camp out there forever

and I would wonder all day long, if you were ok

So in short, I love you, and I love me

and I don't want to have to miss either of us

I just haven't figured out how to do that yet