A Painful Pretty Picture

My bedroom,

A place of peace and tranquility,

Or is it a place of vulnerability.

My mirror that takes up half my wall,

Watches as my confidence falls.

I look down at my worthless unnecessary phone,

And I begin scrolling through social media,

I see all these beautiful people, whom I wish I could clone,

And my eyes feel like they're about to bleed and I,

I look back into that mirror,

And I want to rip out all of my hair

Because that person I see just does not compare

To these beauteous beings, it's so unfair.

I fall down to the frigid floor,

Everyday crying a little more.

Standing upon this meaningless scale,

Feeling like I’m a worthless fail.

I see the numbers and am never satisfied.

I put on a smile and try to hide,

Try to hide the pain that I’m feeling inside,

But you see, no matter what people say,

Whether it’s compliments, admiration, or praise,

I’ll never be happy with how much I weigh,

Nor the body, nor the face that I am compelled to display.

If I tell people that I’m unhealthy, they don’t believe.

They just assume that I’m striving to receive,

Receive everyone’s attention and sympathy,

So I usually just try to hold it in miserably.

Even though I look fine, I still have this issue,

Each day that goes by it just continues.

I just persist to eat and eat,

Until my stomach is full and beat,

Until my body can’t take anymore.

I run to the bathroom and fall upon the floor,

Shoving fingers down my throat,

Just hoping I don’t begin to bloat.

A terrible continuous cycle,

Yet I’m still in denial.

I exercise and keep trying to get better,

But this person I hope to be, I still have not met her.

I place a measuring tape around my waist,

Wishing that all this fat could be erased.

This pain that I constantly feel,

It is so powerful and real.

All of this pain makes me feel as if I’m going insane,

Insane that I can’t feel the same,

As the people who love themselves with no shame.

That I can’t accept myself as I am,

And I feel like no one gives a damn.

Stop.

But, wait.

This is not truly me,

I am so much more than the eye can see.

The things I tell myself are all just a lie,

Hiding my beautiful wings that help me fly.

I have so much love flowing inside,

Benevolence and empathy that makes me feel so alive.

I am a beautiful soul who deserves to be full of joy,

To live my life to the fullest and to entirely enjoy.

A sea of compassion washes away my anger and replaces it with love,

I feel as though I'm overflowing with peace and becoming a dove.

My body is healing and I'm recovering each day,

My insecurities and depression are slowly fading away.

I am superior to negative thoughts and low actions,

I have the potential to change the world with my passions.

My ability to conquer my challenges is infinite,

My essence in this world is so significant.

I radiate beauty charm and grace,

I believe I am finally finding my place.

My life is just beginning,

I am now aware there is nothing missing.

My life is plentiful with prosperity,

I can now see my true self with clarity.

I am love.