A LETTER TO MOTHER

Dear Mother,

I sit here, at the age older than you were,

When you first confessed, you did not want to be a mother; father was dead, killed by a bullet in Vietnam, 1969.

Oh mother, you sat there, tears in your eyes, when the men in their suits stood at the doorway, to tell you, father was not coming home, I was inside of you, growing, you called me a tumor, a cancer, you never let me get away from knowing how I screwed up your life, you could have had a career, you could have been alive, but here you are, a worthless child, taking away your youth, you never let me forget, what a disappointment I was.

You had two more children, a song, a daughter, both an apple in your eyes, but there I stood, worthless, my father was buried in the ground, Jimmy and Mary were golden, they had their father, though their father accepted me as his own, you, oh dear mother, you never did, I ruined your life, didn't I, never good enough, when I was hit by that car, didn't you say you wish I had died?

Suffering, you did, when I was born, you had wish I had died, even then, you prayed, you cried, you didn't want me, a reminder of that man, now buried in the ground.

When I told you I had joined up, to the military, you wished, you prayed, I would die, at least give you something, to tell the neighbors, how proud you were, buried in the ground, a flag upon my grave.

Oh mother, dear mother, I survived, sorry to have disappointed you once more, Jimmy is a doctor, oh joy, and Mary is a lawyer, me? I am a disappointment, happy Mother's day, oh dear Mother...