A glossy haze

You wander from coast to coast

tired, limping and hungry

You jump on flights you can’t afford for a mere moment of fervor and no one can ever know what you want

and you won’t tell them but you never question the unnaturalness of it all - how you got here and how you became this version of you—

So unable to contain yourself

Swirling in an alcohol induced haze

You don’t remember the pain, the anxiety and betrayals:

your numbness guides you to new glossy roads

from one life to another with your suppressed sexual cravings and on and off chest pains; you hope your anxiety is creeping back in, you hope to feel something again

You never wonder anymore about the meteoric speed of time’s passing and what it’s done to you;

for a while you hide under the brightness in the middle of Washington Square Park and you’re lucky it’s not as loud

You scream out of your lungs and this time everyone can hear you. You have forgotten the last time you sat cozily at home reading Kierkegaard;

you’ve let Hollywood steal your dreams and you know you’ll let it do it all over again

You’re so willing

You give yourself away but the burden is too heavy

Perhaps, perhaps you still have a fight left in you