A Continuous Uphill Battle

You pushed me to the highest, I’m never coming down, I was so low at a point, that I was ready to fucking drown. Smile slowly gone, laughter never to appreciate. My heart burstin out, not even one couldn’t imagine it. So low to want to disappear, back when my life was nothing to even live. To be done with my life, to be done with who I am, who I ever was, was nothing but a memory to never have. The cuts so deep, enough to want to bleed, enough to see the true danger behind all those reeves. Behind the curtains, no one could see, no one wants to see, how far you could push someone, and how far they could push themselves.

Suicide's a silly game waiting for you to end, to be a new beginning, I thought that I had but then you went and left again. To tell me you love me and then to leave was a stab and a gab to the guts I wish I never had.

To want to be gone and live another life, was like to be a fairy, so delicate but because of the hate, I cannot live on, I cannot bare the thought of a world so thoroughly gone. I’m losing my mind, losing my patience, who I am, losing my own. Because clearly It ain’t easy to see, telling me we can still be friends while you fucking my friend, yeah that was so funny hm, but I relapsed and forgot to laugh, because that shit don’t seem clear to me, I never depended on you to buy me shit because clearly I already bought you uh.

I only caught those feeling cause you picked me up and threw at my face, my hearts stopped healing, but I’m bout to lose it so stay clear okay? I don’t regret my whole past, but the only thing I regret is you, you played me for months on end but damn, tell me something new. You’re good at wasting time, getting over me damn boy that was quick. But I sit back laughing because all those reactions I was getting those few couple of days, only got me thinking that it was all such a shame, you put a ring on my finger just like a grenade in my teeth, and now you’re sitting even lower than were before the fucking feast. Walking around thinking you is all cool n shit, when really you’re just as cool as school with no social intent.

Head down, knees shaking, hands sweating hoping that one day you won’t be an alien.

I sit here thinking what the fuck, sitting around not giving two sucks, you fucked me up and down, to the point where I thought it’s all over now. So I sat around, day after day, marking my way, in my own life, in my own time. Over working my my mind, to figure out what is right.

My heart to grew weaker, colder and colder, never getting respect. Because I’m the girl who throws, but I need to be the one to catch, in that case I could score, Because already Im down in points, so I point my finger to the right and hope it’s the thing to do because what’s better to do than to think that it’s the truth then persuade yourself it’s true, so in your mind you know it’s not rude, not only to prove what is east, south and sometimes west, but maybe it’s best is I stand back and give it a rest.

Because my life is almost done, trying to live a life I thought I could run, what I thought I could live, how I could live but it was just an inside joke to those who need, those who feel the need to laugh, to have to see what’s going on behind the scenes. It hurts me that you don’t know the truth, that I’m dying inside but to you, it’s not true, you don’t want to see the pain I’m going through sadly for you, it’s nothing but something new, to prove, to show you that some day I will stand tall and have achieved everything I could’ve but look back and still know that I hadn’t had the freedom, that some people may be needin, because I’m their minds and in their hearts, it’s a battle that is constantly going on and it feels like somethings wrong, but really, everything’s slowly gone.