A Christian Guy Won’t Like Me

I’ve been used

I’m mentally abused

Substance abuse so what’s the use .

The world has seen me.

rather it was intentionally or forcefully.

I chased the money and it made life change drastically.

I come with too much drama.

I know I couldn’t be the girl you bring home to mama .

I was once the innocent church girl that Believed the American dream.

The kids ,to be a wife,get some land ,raised through God .

But I feel like sod.

I wasn’t even good enough to do his promised job.

Every night I lay there in gnawning sob.

But the life I got was everything but a glimpse gleam.

I prayed every night and day .

It got worse with time I’d say .

I asked the church woman and she said all men would turn away.

Lost reassurance because my prayers weren’t being heard .

The helpless lamb that wondered off from her herd.

I didn’t specify but I’m starting to realize she didn’t lie.

As I got older this life developed from all the damage trying to cope.

Thinking there’s still hope.

But there I was looking for a single cell under a microscope.

I lost everything I ever needed.

But no one gave me the chance ,so I never could conceive it .

I just think god gave up on me and shut me out ,

that’s what I have the fear of doubt.

Maybe one day someone would see.

But I know a Christian ✝️ guy won’t marry me .💔😭