3-2-1 Breakdown

Do I blow this up now?

or do I sit through the discomfort

pause to wait and see

give it time

like I always do

until I hit the point of no return

the dead end highway where I must

stop or plummet down the edge of a cliff

crash and shatter into a million pieces

erupt into a fiery inferno

+++

Is it really that much better?

this slow and gradual deadening,

numbing and losing myself

one insignificant piece at a time

I've been so quiet,

afraid of crumbling

when I look in the mirror again

I don't recognize myself

those parts actually mattered after all

+++

Am I really this accommodating?

so willing to disintegrate my own needs

to keep us alive

to keep the dream of a future with you

with a version of you

that no longer exists

the one I fell in love with

the one I keep this vigil for

+++

What am I afraid of?

that I will miss you so much

regret this choice

live the rest of my life alone

tear my hope to shreds

should have, would have, could have

didn't

+++

How will this end?

when neither of us has

the courage to smash the wall

that has risen between us

terrified we will cause irreversible

damage

+++

Is this really how it breaks?

after so much investment

its not a commitment issue or a lack of care

its simply that we are no longer the same

we can't keep reducing ourselves to fragments to keep the other

+++

Can I be happy without you?

I've told myself its either you or no one

if this second chance scatters to the wind

then I must learn to find joy within the destruction

+++

Can I be brave?

When the choice is to rupture or risk discomfort

with a chance to redefine ourselves

+++

Can we repair this?

It takes two to keep choosing us

+++

Do you love me?

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Author's note: I didn't originally set out with intention on the visual display of the slow disintegration with the number of lines per verse reducing, but it formed organically, and so I followed the inspiration.