21 Poems

Poem 1 Title It Was Bitter

I continued to sip my coffee as he choked to death.

It was bitter - both the coffee and the look on his face.

As I watched him struggle,

I began to wonder what happened to get us to this point.

Maybe it was his continuous nagging,

Or his constant whining that dinner never tasted the way he wanted.

Or perhaps it was the grin on his face,

The one that surfaced whenever he made me angry.

Regardless, here we are.

Him, lying on the ground,

As he is gasping for air,

Gripping my pants leg as if that would help him in this situation.

I suppose I should have called 9-11,

But I hadn't had my coffee first.

It's funny how someone's actions could lead us here.

If only he listened the millionth time I begged him for help.

He knew I was falling apart.

I stopped caring about my appearance,

Probably around the time I stopped eating.

The funny thing is I am hungry now.

I think I will finally make that dinner,

The one I wanted to for weeks now—no more complaining.

Poor sap!

His face is as pale as a ghost.

I am going to have to move him.

Maybe I should add potatoes to the dinner.

Twice-baked maybe?

I should probably move him.

However, I just continued to sip my coffee.

Poem 2 Title You Don't Listen

You don't listen to me,

When I speak about my pain.

You are only there when,

It matters to you.

Just an object put on a shelf,

Pretty to look at.

But never to hold,

So dear and close to your heart.

And yet I sit,

And pretend it doesn't hurt.

When inside, I am screaming,

Out for help.

When it truly matters,

You're never there.

And yet I still,

Sit there and wait.

The waiting doesn't hurt,

So long as I stop.

I stop feeling,

Like I meant something.

As long as I pull away,

As you have so many times before.

"Sit down. Shut up."

A simple command.

That you didn't even realize,

That you said.

A simple social cue,

That you never noticed,

Because you don't listen.

Poem 3 Title The Call-A Mother's Heartbreak

Today I received the call,

The kind where it makes your heart drop.

I tried to stay strong.

I hadn't heard your name in so long.

I did not think it would pierce fear into my heart,

But it did.

I hadn't forgotten the day she told me what you did.

The tears streamed down my face,

As I watch the pain you have dealt her,

Entering her eyes.

They were once as bright blue as the ocean,

On a beautiful summer's day.

Now dull blue as if the innocence left her.

However, this call was more devastating.

"Ma'am we need to talk." the man on the receiver said.

My heart dropped because I did not understand why a detective had called me.

"He did it again, and we would like to talk to you."

he tried to say after he heard my voice crack.

At this point, I was in tears.

I knew what was about to be uttered into existence.

However, the words still shocked me,

And my worry was focused on the little girl,

The little girl who stole my heart with a simple smile.

"Not her," he assured me as he listened to my heart cry out.

Regardless of who,

My heart broke as I cried.

Do I go and testify against him,

And possibly have to drag in my fragile daughter?

Or do I say no because of the trauma this could cause?

I am trying...

Please see I am trying.

I dont know what to do.

Do I condemn a child to protect mine?

Or do I condemn mine to protect another?

Poem 4 Title I'm Fine-I Swear!

I am fine.

Sure, I am crying.

I look broken beyond repair.

My chest hurts.

But I am fine.

I'm okay.

I swear it.

Oh, this?

Just slight dismay.

I'm okay.

I'm fantastic,

Don't you see the fake smile,

The smile that has tricked so many over the years?

Please believe me when I say,

I'm fantastic.

Dont take into account,

That I am not eating.

That I am losing sleep.

Continue to live your life,

I swear...

I'm fine.

I'm not exhausted,

I don't stay up all night,

Thinking of possible scenarios,

That could happen at any given moment.

I swear...

I'm fine.

Poem 5 Title Dear Superstar

Dear Superstar,

Always remember that things may get tough,

And you may feel like this is the end of your road.

Dont give up,

Keep pushing through.

You are enough,

Never let their words tear you down.

Dear Superstar,

I know that you're struggling,

Take a deep breath.

I know the days are long,

And your nights are short.

Dear Superstar,

While you think your tears are unheard,

But I hear you.

I know you want to give up,

I see your pain,

And I hear your internal cries.

Dear Superstar,

I know they fight,

I know they scream.

It is worth it.

Don't give up!

Poem 6 Title To Nevaeh-My Sweet Child

Sometimes I want to forget you,

As if your existence never happened.

Not because I never loved you,

But because without you, I find it hard to love me.

Everyone tells me,

It isn't my fault.

And yet I sit here,

And wonder what life would have been,

Had the universe taken me and not you.

Not a day goes by where,

I don't torment my existence.

It's not fair you aren't here.

Had I not walked so much,

Had I eaten better,

Maybe you would still be here.

I'm sorry dear child,

But my heart mourns still.

Everyone tells me to let you go,

But I can't.

Please forgive me,

As I call out your name.

I hope you're happy,

Without you,

My life won't be the same.

Poem 7 Title Sweet Smell of Lilac

The sweet, sweet smell of lilac,

It always lulls me to sleep.

The enticing aroma fills my mind.

The gentle touch as you guild my way.

While I no longer can,

Get lost in your embrace,

In my heart, you'll always stay.

The sweet smell of lilac,

Brings you home to me.

I will always love you, grandma.

Even when you're far from me.

Poem 8 Title Bitter Cold

I once loved someone,

But their home was cold.

And when I tried to warm it,

I only learned that,

Their heart was winter.

And the harder I tried,

Their words slipped out like frost.

Leaving me to bear the storm alone.

Poem 9 Title Where's My Charger

Some days I feel,

So drained,

And alone.

Where's my charger?

Has anyone seen it?

If I had my charger,

I'd be okay.

If I had my charger,

I wouldn't be so drained.

No one takes into account,

The responsibilities I contain.

Where's my charger?

Poem 10 Title Mountain of Hope

I live on a mountain of hope,

Forever drowning in the disappointment,

That you call your love.

I thrive on the idea,

That you will become,

This person I know you are incapable of being.

Slowly letting the disappointment eat me alive,

As my mountain of hope,

Slowly starts to collide with the deceit,

That drips off your tongue.

Yet here I am,

Sitting and waiting,

For the poison to leave your mouth,

Hanging on every word,

To finally get what I have always dreamed of.

Poem 11 Title I Don't Belong Here

Poem 11 I don't fit in here,

So why do we pretend as if I do?

Constantly avoiding the snide remarks.

Never good enough,

And yet here we are.

Sitting by the fire,

Listening to the same old song,

The one I used to cling to so dearly.

I don't belong here,

And yet you parade me around as if I do.

Half-empty smiles,

Muttered words I wasn't supposed to hear.

And yet here we are.

Poem 12 Title I Avoid My Reflection

I avoid my reflection,

Just as much as you avoid my existence,

Taught at a young age,

That my body was a temple,

Yet it wasn't my own.

You, pretending you had no idea,

And yet you knew,

You knew exactly what you had done.

I avoid my reflection,

Because when I do, I don't,

Have to see me I once was.

How the trauma has beaten me down,

I avoid my reflection,

Because I am afraid,

Of what it might show me.

Poem 13 Title I Loved You Before

I loved you before,

Before I could understand it.

Before you gave me a reason to.

Before I could love myself.

You gave me a reason to breathe,

A reason to wake up,

And push on.

When I had no will at all.

I loved you before,

I could admit it,

And when you said,

"I love you,"

I was afraid to say it.

Afraid that once I did,

You would run for the hills,

Because the chase was gone.

I knew I loved you,

Because I had all along.

Poem 14 Title The Fire is Dying

The fire is dying,

And yet you can't see it.

The flames are becoming smothered,

It's going to go out.

Don't cling too tightly,

Or it will undoubtedly go out.

And when you do cling too tight,

You won't notice,

Because it's easier to see,

Yourself than the fire that's dying.

Poem 15 Title There's a Secret in the Painting

There's a secret in the painting,

However, you cant see it.

There's a secret in the painting,

Yet I really want to keep it.

If you look close enough,

It will reveal it.

If you look close enough,

I can't keep it.

Poem 16 Title Dedicated To

Dedicated to everyone,

Who wonders if I write about them,

It's probably not likely,

Yet here I am,

Writing about you.

Dedicated to the one,

Who decided I am,

Not good enough.

Neither are you.

This one is dedicated to the ones,

Who love me so.

Thank you because without you,

I would have no one.

Poem 17 Title The One Who Got Away

Poem 17 How funny it must have been,

When I didn't come home,

You believed you ruined me.

That I would remain the same.

That I was weak and couldn't,

Handle it on my own.

You believed I would be there forever.

And yet I got away.

You thought you could control me,

But I gained my strength.

Thankfully I was the one,

Who got away.

Poem 18 Title The Smell of Flowers

The scent of flowers,

Cascaded through the whole room,

I knew they were here,

Because it always smells like that,

When they enter a room.

I wanted to forget it,

Runaway and believe it's untrue.

I wanted you to be okay,

But the smell even took over you.

I knew that it was over,

And you weren't coming back.

However, I wanted to wake up,

But I remained to feel stuck.

Poem 19 Title You're Lost

You're more lost,

Than you realize,

Floating on this giant rock,

Trying to make the days go by.

You're more lost than you realize,

Forever following the path,

Your parents have set for you.

Always following others,

Instead of following your own drum.

You're more lost than you realize.

Poem 20 Title If Love Were a Recipe

If love were a recipe,

The answer would be you,

Honesty,

Loyalty,

Kindness.

All wrapped up into one.

If love were a recipe,

You'd be the only one.

Poem 21 Title Dear Time

Dear time,

Please slow down.

Let me hold on a little longer.

Dear time,

I am not ready,

There are so many things left undone.

Dear time,

Please don't give up on me yet.

So many things left undone.

Dear time,

I promise I won't waste you,

Just please give me one more day,

A day closer to my last,

And yet I need so much more.

To watch them grow,

To grow myself.

To become who I am meant to be.

To love all I can.

Dear time,

Please don't give up on me.