1980s Hair Routine

Shampoo, repeat, condition, under scalding heat

Slather and massage mousse or gel into scalp

Dry with blistering hot air

And a very large diffuser.

***

Next, a ton of hairspray everywhere

Around, and over head, shoulders, and hair

Curl or straighten with a schorching iron

Add more hairspray – loads of it

*****

Tease the hell out of every strand

Keep curling/straightening as is needed

Lift with a long-pick-tooth comb, spray

Lift-spray here, lift-spray there, and again

***

Pat, pat, pat it all down but not too much

Now get to work, work, and work it

Till it all falls down in a minute