11:35

My girl texted me at 11:35 on a Friday afternoon… she said this:

I’m done, fucking done, I’m drained in every way

I know I can no longer take this awful pain

I have nothing left to give in this cruel, cruel world

I would much rather live in any other world

I know I say I wanna die a lot

But now I’m ready to lose all that I got

My sisters said they hated being related to me

I know I’ve been through a lot, but that shit really hurt me

I guess they don’t want or need me, no other reason to hold back

Imma do what I should have all the way back

I don’t have the strength to carry onto the next day

I barely make it through anyway

I don’t want any pity or any sorrow

Because a sad yesterday makes everyone better tomorrow

Please baby, please don’t try to talk me out of this

I’m sorry we weren’t together long enough to live

I want everyone to know it was my choice I’m gone

My choice to cut, my choice not to carry on

My choice to cry myself to sleep every night

My choice to hurt myself & commit suicide

I had a dream, you were here

And I held you, face covered in tears

I woke up from that dream, this was all too real

I wish I could help you from the pain that you feel

Don’t try to talk you out of this? You bet your ass that’s what I’m gonna do

I ain’t gonna let it happen because I fuckinglove you

Nothing is your fault, you have so much to live for

If anything happened to you, I’d drop to the floor

She said, I’m sorry, I just can’t be here anymore

I have nothing left to give in this god forsaken world

You have nothing? That’s bullshit & you know it

You have me on the verge of fucking tears, please stop it

If anything happened to you, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself

This is a time I’m putting my pride on the shelf

You’re telling me all of this & I’m trynna help the best I can

I’m worried it won’t be enough, please, I’m your biggest fan

Amanda, I promise you are my whole world

Never do anything to hurt or break you, I just can’t do this anymore

Don’t cry please, you’re worth so much

No need to cry over someone as such

But I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me

Don’t put the weight of me on your shoulders baby

I love you, you were enough & more than enough

But this is for the better, I’m giving up

I had a dream, you were here

And I held you, face covered in tears

I woke up from that dream, this was all too real

I wish I could help you from the pain that you feel

For the better? No it’s not, I don’t care what it takes

I’ll fucking talk you out of this, I don’t want you to break

You know I’ll stay up all day & night

Make sure nothing happens & I’ll help you get right

And someone like you? You’re everything I ever wanted

Thought one didn’t exist until you’re the one I spotted

Thirty minutes later, she decided to say

Though it didn’t take away all her pain

That day I realized, that girl is my world

I’d do everything for her & much more