Finishing University

My last week.

This week is my last week at University. I have been studying photography for about two years now doing the course part time, really taking my time to soak up as much as I can throughout the course. As I write this I am sitting at my desk working on my final ever assessment, well trying to anyway.

This final week was similar to any other week I suppose, I had just the one class and it fell on a Thursday. It was a small class with only six of us enrolled. Classes this size where very normal and had been common throughout my course. This final week however did have a very different feeling, one that was hard to explain really. A feeling of relief yet uncertainty, knowing we had this final hurdle and we were free. But with this freedom comes the unknown, suddenly it would be us against the world, much like a bird leaving a nest. We had been given the tools to succeed but now had to find our own way.

It's ironic, my final assessment is no more than a reflection on our portfolio and a brief presentation we did in our final class and that is what brought me here. Reflection. I find myself not only looking to the future into the unknown but looking back at the journey that has unfolded on the last two years.

The beginning.

My journey began some time ago and it starts with a frustrated Nathan who wanted more and was unsatisfied with how things were playing out in life. After a whole lot of umming and arring, research and indecision I finally decided to make the call. I called the University (Billy Blue College of Design) and enrolled.

Just like that I was on my way, they say the first step is always the hardest, but believe me the second step wasn't any easier. The open day. I quietly dragged myself into the city to attend the open day, many times on the way and whilst getting ready I began to talk myself out of it. "You can't go to Uni, you hated school", "You're definitely not smart enough for this", "Why would you go to Uni? Who do you think you are? Who are you trying to be?"

I raised good points, who was I trying to be? Was I going to be able to cope? Well despite this I was determined not to talk myself out of this one. If I wanted to change my life it wasn't just going to change for me. I knew it was up to me and the time was now. I wasn't sure who I was trying to be, or what for that matter, but I hoped that i would work that out on the way and that by putting myself out there it would all come together.

Open day was daunting to say the least. I was a few years older than most and was feeling very much out of place. Everyone was young and knew at least someone else, I felt as if I was sticking out like a sore thumb. Luckily the Uni had a great open day program and this made things slightly easier, despite really pushing me out of my comfort zone and forcing me to interact with strangers. Something I was not overly accustomed to at this point.

Ups and Downs.

Over the course of my diploma there have been many ups and many highlights. Meeting new people, forging friendships that will no doubt last a lifetime, learning so so much about photography, social events. It all made a big impact on myself and my life. however it wasn't all smooth sailing, battling Imposter Syndrome almost from the very start of my course had a serious impact on my mental state.

Imposter Syndrome is where you really feel like you don't belong and just aren't good enough. You constantly second guess yourself, put yourself down and are hard on yourself. A tell tale sign is blaming any failure or unsatisfactory result solely on yourself and crediting any win or good result to external sources. I hadn't realised I was doing this all along but once I became aware of it and learnt that it is in fact very common and that I wasn't the only one dealing with this it became more manageable and less influential.

I did have some less than ideal results throughout my course, however they say the biggest lesson is in failure and I wholeheartedly agree. I had a very supportive circle during my time at Uni, comprised of fellow students, the lecturers (most not all), the uni councillor and my friends and partner. These people helped me so so much throughout everything and I wouldn't of made it without them.

The Journey.

The people mentioned above really made the course more than just a diploma. It was a journey, I learnt a lot and not just about photography or editing but about the world, about myself, how people work, how I work. The lessons I learnt have changed me and how I act and carry myself today. Being constantly pushed out of my comfort zone and challenged developed me in so many ways. I am more outgoing, more social and a lot more confident. This has been massive for me and something that needed to happen, I am so grateful I took the leap of faith and pushed myself to study, it's been life changing.

Of course my photography and editing skills have developed but my people and social skills too. i wouldn't go as far as saying I was socially inept before but compared to how I am now I was certainly quiet and shy. Now I have no hesitation meeting and working with strangers and introducing myself to new people. I also have the ability to help more, not just help people with photography stuff but help people via photography and in saying that after all the help I received from various people throughout the last couple of years, I believe I have a stronger appetite for helping others.

My photography changed direction massively about twelve months ago after a few very encouraging yet simple words from a lecturer. "I wouldn't be surprised if in six to twelve months your solely shooting portraiture". Hearing this and the positive feedback from my classmates was a shock. After what was essentially my first time shooting portraits. Something I was very reluctant to do to begin with. These images were of my partner who has no modeling experience whatsoever.

As I deliberated on these encouraging words and new found interest in shooting portraits, my future changed. i was suddenly immersed in the world of portraiture something that has scared me deeply before and something I never expected to be interested in. I think what really grasped my interest was something that had been missing for me up to this point, at least to some degree.

Human Interaction.

For me photography had always been an individual activity. I would grab my camera and head off alone for hours on end. Be it a landscape or a sporting event (mostly car racing) to me this was what photography was. However i was never fully satisfied, without being able to afford to travel to amazing locations and buy the most recent and expensive gear meant I would always be at a disadvantage. Nevertheless this was what I wanted to do and continue doing.

Uni on the other hand had different ideas. The assessments would expose me to all sorts of photography. Landscapes, sports, food Photography, night Photography and you guessed it portraits. I was very unhappy about the idea of doing portraits, coming up with excuses left and right trying to get out of it. It was hopeless I had to do it.

It went well, I mean I didn't win any awards but the model whom I shot with was happy, my lecturer was happy and I got some useful feedback to build on. I was actually hooked and shocked. Never did I think I would be shooting portraits of any kind. I think for me it's the opportunity to tell a person's story. Much as I am telling mine here, but via an image or a series of images. Showcasing what makes people people. What makes us all individuals, emotion, character, quirks and uniqueness, being able to capture this isn't just a skill but a surreal opportunity.

Reflection.

This brings me to my assessment. Well looking forward I am excited. Looking back I am grateful. I am proud of what I have accomplished, what I have learnt and done so far. I am unsure what the future holds for me and where I will go but I do know that it's in my hands. Opportunities don't just come to you, you have to go out and chase them. Put in the work and it'll happen. I sat dormant for years waiting for an opportunity, a door to open, waiting for my life to truly begin and you know what? It didn't. I had to change it. It all started with an action that I took, somewhat reluctantly as I was comfortable. But fear is opportunity and things don't change by themselves. If it makes you nervous you should do it, it may change your life.

Armed with this new knowledge and perspective I am in a better place than ever before. I am better than ever before and I will continue to be better than ever before. Thank you to all the people that have helped over the years, I wouldn't be here without you. Also thank you to anyone that has read this far, I appreciate you and I hope my story helps you or perhaps even inspires you. If you have any questions, would like to know more and need any help please reach out via social media. @nathanbrittonmedia