Thank You For Being Our Fighter

Why I called you Fighter is one of my fondest memories.

The first time I laid eyes on you was at the animal shelter.

You were in one of the cages lined against the wall.

I walked up to you and you had your head down.

You didn’t want to look at me.

You didn’t want to have anything to do with me.

I looked at you and waited.

You ignored me, laying on the spread of newspaper. Your back was toward me.

I knew you were sad and didn’t want to have anything to do with me. You didn’t want to have anything to do with anyone.

Your small, frail body covered in dirty, white hair.

Your ears stained with yellow and grey.

The lady that worked there opened the gate for me.

You did not budge. You kept your back toward me and lay there motionless.

“Don’t mind him,” the animal shelter employee said. “He has been like that with everyone since he arrived. He was found wandering the streets. No collar. Scared. We think he has been abandoned. He is just sad and scared, that’s all.”

I looked at you as I approached you slowly. That is when you lifted your head to look back toward me. Your eyes were lined with eye dirt and deep sadness.

“Hello, fella,” I said to you. You kept your eyes fixated on me. “I am here to take you with me. I want to be your family.”

As if you understood me, you looked down and put your head back between your paws. Your back still toward me.

I knew that you had lost your trust in people. That you were probably abandoned by a family you thought had loved you, only to have left you behind for reasons unknown. My heart was breaking for you.

I told the employees that I wanted you and they helped me get you up. You growled at first and looked at me with tired anger. You didn’t want to go with me. You looked like you would rather be alone in that cage than in another warm home where your fate was unsure.

They put you in a box with a clean towel and handed you to me. You didn’t look at me. You lay in that box and on that towel quietly and ever so still.

I looked at you and said, “I promise you I will never leave you.”

You looked up at me as if you understood. Your eyes looked at me with sadness and your frail body lay motionless.

On the passenger side floor of the car, I placed the box where you lay. You remained silent and motionless. Your eyes looked around without curiosity before closing.

We got home. I left you in the box and carefully carried you around the house for a quick tour.

“This is your home now. I want to show you where you are living now.”

Your head stayed down and your body remained unmoved. You didn’t believe me, I felt.

When I was done showing you around, I placed your box down carefully in the living room. I told you that I had bought a bed for you to sleep in. It was a lot larger than you and soft. I didn’t know what size dog I would get but I knew it would be around your size or maybe slightly larger. You didn’t budge when you saw your new bed. You looked at it momentarily and put your head back down between your paws.

I knew you must be hungry, so I put out a bowl of some fresh water and some unseasoned homemade rice, stewed chicken meat, and carrots meal I made for you. I stepped away to give you some privacy but could still see you from where I was sitting. I tried not to make it obvious so I tried to remain as quiet and invisible as I could.

When you felt safe and the coast was clear, your small body got up and jumped out of the box. Sniffing, you made your way slowly to the two bowls I had placed a few inches away from your box. You smelt the water. Then you licked the water slowly. When you were done with that, you went to your bowl of food. You smelt it with your small nose. Your nose went crazy. You opened your tiny mouth and slowly nibbled at the food. You were eating it! I felt a sigh of relief flood through me when I saw that you were enjoying your meal.

When you were done eating and had some more water, you made your way quickly back to the safety of your box. I knew you were not ready to get to know me yet.

I laid out some newspaper next to your box. I didn’t look at you too much but allowed my energy around you to stay open and peaceful. I wanted you to feel safe and at ease. I kept my phone on vibrate and the volume to the television very low as to not startle you. When you had done your business on the newspaper, I replaced it. I gave you some fresh water and some fresh food. You ate and drank some more.

Then it was time for bed.

I didn’t want to leave you in the dark and on your own, so I brought your box into the bedroom with me. I tried to change the towel, but you growled at me so I left it alone. Eventually, I knew that I would have to give you a bath and put in a fresh towel. But not until you were ready for it.

I put some clean newspaper by your box in my bedroom and a bowl of fresh water. I left the light of the lamp on so it wouldn’t be too dark for you.

Then I went to sleep.

When I woke up, you were nowhere to be found.

I looked under my bed, in the bathroom, under the blankets. I couldn’t find you.

Then I went in to the living room and noticed something.

Something was on the couch. What was it?

I approached. And realized that what I saw was dog poop.

My first instinct was to get angry. Why did you poop on the couch? And where did you run off to?

Then, I realized that you were testing me. Were you purposely trying to see what my limits were? I wasn’t sure. All I knew that being angry at you wasn’t going to solve anything.

I cleaned up the dog poop and decided that I would stop looking for you. After all, this was your home and you wanted your alone time. I had to respect that. I knew you couldn’t have escaped because there was no way to leave the house. I knew that you were somewhere and I just had to forgive you. You were angry. You were sad. You were afraid. I didn’t want to add to that. I wanted to give you your space and show you infinite compassion.

That day I didn’t see you at all. I had to leave the house a few times to run errands. When I did, I made sure to yell out that I was leaving so you knew I was going and that I would come back later. I left some food and fresh water and hoped to not come home to any more dog poop surprises. If I did, I would simply clean it up quietly.

You stayed hidden for three days after that. You came out when I wasn’t looking and ate your food and drank your water. Sometimes, you pooped on the newspaper. However, when I woke up each morning, I would find dog poop somewhere else. When that happened, I reminded myself that I should not get upset and to just clean it up quietly.

On the third night when I was closing my eyes to go to sleep, I felt something get on top of my duvet. I opened my eyes and saw you! You were now only inches from me facing away from me, just as you did at the animal shelter. But this time, it felt different. This time, I felt you trusted me! I did it! I managed to break through to you and show you that you could! I did not say anything. I smiled and simply went to sleep, hoping that tomorrow I wouldn’t find dog poop in an unpleasant place.

The next day, I woke up early for work. I saw you. You were still in that same spot fast asleep. You had moved onto your side. Your eyes were closed and your belly rose up and down with your breath. I did not want to wake you. So I quietly got dressed for work, ate, and made sure you had a full, clean bowl of water and food. I did not find any dog poop that I had to clean up. I went to the bed to check on you one more time before I left. I saw that you were awake. I told you in a soft voice that I was going to work and that I would be back soon. You looked at me and did not turn away. I smiled at you before walking out the bedroom door. You watched me leave the room.

That was the first day I left you almost all day by yourself. I wasn’t sure what I would find when I returned home, but I reminded myself that no matter what I found, I had to be patient with you. I had to remind myself that you and I were still getting used to each other and that you had deep wounds that I had to allow you to heal. I had to stand by your side through it all because you were my family now. And I was yours.

I returned home with an open mind, ready to face anything, whether it be a wrecked couch, torn pillows, dog poop, and pee.

But it was not as I feared.

The minute I opened the door, you came to welcome me home. You came up to the door and jumped on my leg, excited to see me. For the first time, I scratched your little head and pet you gently. You licked my hand and yelped with excitement. Your small tail wagging profusely. You were so happy to see me!

“Hello!” I greeted you as you ran frantically around my feet. “I am so happy to see you had a good day!”

That evening was the first time we spent time together. It was now time for your first bath since you arrived home! I knew that you were now comfortable enough with me to let me bathe you and clean your eyes. After I dried you off, you licked my face as if to say ‘thank you’. I picked you up and held you lightly in my arms.

After you ate your food and did your business, you sat by me as I had my dinner on the couch. We watched the dog whisperer show together. You loved that show and stayed to watch the whole episode.

Your attitude had changed. I knew that you and I were now on good terms and that you finally trusted me enough to start loving me as much as I loved you since the beginning.

You reminded me of strength and resilience. You reminded me of what makes life worthwhile. You had gone through so much and came out just as strong as ever, opening yourself up to love even after suffering so much loss.

You are a fighter.

That’s why I decided to name you Fighter.

That name describes everything you are.

Now here we are, three years later. Our family has grown with your new daddy and a brother on the way. We are our own perfect family.

Thank you for being our Fighter.