Stella McCatney: The Lion Cat

My family adopted Stella McCatney from the RSPCA in Victoria, Australia just over five years ago now. She remained nameless for about a week while my twin sister and I fought over calling her Purry McFluff Face. Sadly, I lost that war and had to settle for Stella McCatney.

She quickly became adored in our house - some might say a little too much due to the amount of food she ate and how much weight she quickly put on. Living in a house of five cats (I'm not a crazy cat lady, I swear!) she learnt how to bully the others to come out on top, therefore allowing her to steal food.

Lately, however, due to her *ahem* general largeness, she's begun to develop mats in her fur that she can't reach when she grooms herself. She also decided that she doesn't like me brushing her anymore, so it got to a drastic point where I either had to watch my obese cat mat up like mad or take action.

I called the vet and even though she was matted, she wasn't THAT bad - I just didn't want it to get worse. They said they'd be able to put her under a light anaesthetic and brush the knots out which I agreed and after much carrying on in the car (by her of course, not me!) I left her at the vet and returned to work from home, blissfully unaware of what was happening.

When I got the all-clear to pick her up, I headed in unaware of what was about to happen. They bought out the carrier and up popped her little head. And by little head, I mean actually little because there was nothing left. They had completely shaved her whole body except for her face, half of her legs and her tail.

I seriously wish I could get the video footage from the vet that day because I almost wet myself laughing. In a pandemic that has taken much of my livelihood and motivation, I feel terrible to say I was brought to tears of laughter in the middle of the clinic from the time they brought her out, to the time I was paying, and the whole way home.

She walked out of her carrier at home and I got a full glimpse of her. What used to be a densely fluffy, ginger cat had been reduced to skin - and a lot of it! Stella ran away in shame and hid under my bed until I coaxed her out with food - only to lose my mind laughing all over again.

The other cats stared at her. She couldn't go anywhere without one of the younger cats following her and just looking. "My poor Stella," I said before I broke down laughing again. One by one my mum and sister arrived home to the presence of Stella the lion - each losing their minds laughing.

On an unsuspecting family Zoom call later that week, Stella McCatney climbed across the keyboard. "WHAT IS THAT?!" My auntie screamed as Stella's bald rump took up the camera. Mum got all flustered, "I'm sorry I'm so sorry we had to cut her and I tried hiding her from everyone because it's so embarrassing" she said, while I was on the floor wailing with laughter

She had her revenge though. Later that night, Stella decided she would love me again and jumped on my bed in the middle of the night. Because she was cold, she decided to crawl down under the covers and into my arms so I could spoon her. I froze. Now, I'm not a mother (yet) but I can only imagine it's what it feels like to be spooning a baby. She was bald and smooshed up in my arms, purring away like a chainsaw. The whole night I swear I spent wondering whether I was cuddling my fat ginger cat or a random baby that had somehow gotten into my bed.

Alas, it was Stella. Now that she's gotten a velvety texture, this is her revenge. I hate the feel of velvet and I swear she knows it. Whoever seriously doesn't think cats are out to get you have obviously never owned one before...