Pepe the Magnificent

Pepe was the first rescue kitten I had ever brought into my life. I suppose one could say all my cats were rescues, but until I found Pepe at an animal shelter, all my previous cats had been given to me by friends or acquaintances. He was also the first cat I chose to bring home when I already had a cat. Luna wasn’t yet a year old when I thought I should find her a playmate. I had a roommate at the time and she also had a cat, but hers was around 14 years old. Her cat’s name was Cat. There is a story behind this, but it isn’t mine to tell. Cat tolerated Luna. My roommate and I were glad they mostly got along, but Luna wanted to play and Cat wasn’t too keen to play with her. This sent me on a quest to find her a playmate.

One Saturday morning I made the trip to my favorite rescue in my home town of Dayton, Ohio… SICSA (Society for the Improvement of Conditions for Stray Animals). It was a busy morning. I was somewhat familiar with the rescue as I had once worked there when I did youth volunteering with the Red Cross. I had also visited a few times over the years because I liked to spend time with the animals. I let the staff know I was there to look for a kitten, but I wanted to see the dogs as well just to visit with them. They let me know what areas had available pets and to let someone know if I found a kitten I wanted. Usually someone would walk around with you, but there wasn’t anyone available. I preferred to look around on my own, so I was fine with doing just that.

I went to the dog kennels first. I made sure I stopped and talked to each of the dogs. I squatted down in front of each kennel and would pet those that were open to it and just talk to those that were afraid. There was a lot of commotion and I knew that they had already had a stressful morning dealing with kids eager fingers and hands reaching out to them as well as loud big humans they didn’t recognize standing over them. I like to get to their level when I visit shelter dogs. It is equal parts heartbreaking and heartwarming every time I visit SICSA. That morning was no different.

Satisfied that I had spent time with each of the dogs, I moved on to the cat section. It was a larger area with a few different rooms. Some rooms had cages and some were open play areas with several cats. I noticed one room had cages that only housed kittens. I didn’t go straight to that room, however. Just as I did with the dogs, I made may into each room and spent time talking to and petting every cat. I spent more time with the cats than the dogs, but I always have been partial to cats. I love dogs, too, but having grown up with cats, I was drawn more to them. There a few adults that I wanted to bring home. This is the down side of shelters. In my head I had picked out several cats and a few dogs that I wanted to take home. I had to push myself to move on and stay focused on the reason I had come. I wanted a kitten close to Luna’s age.

When I made my way around to the room that had earlier caught my eye, I saw they had more kittens than I expected. Usually, kittens go fast. I knew before I opened the glass door that I wanted to take all the kittens home. As I had in the other rooms, I spent time playing and talking to each of the kittens. I was set on finding another female. I had never had a male cat and I wasn’t sure about their interactions. That was my intention, but there was one kitten that had determined I was going to be his new dad. He was a cute tabby just a tad larger than Luna, who had been the runt of her litter (I almost always picked the runt). He kept reaching out and trying to pull me to him. It didn’t matter where I stood in relation to his cage, his little kitten arm was clawing at the air as he called to me with his kitten meow. I put my face close to the cage door and talked baby talk to him. He licked my nose and lightly put his paw on the side of my face. That was it. I knew he chose me.

I went back to the main lobby and waited for someone to free up to speak to me. It took a few minutes before a young man in his early twenties approached and asked if he could help. I told him I was interested in one of the kittens. Each person in the shelter works with either dogs or cats. He let me know that he was one of the dog staff and would need to find someone who worked with cats. He spoke to a woman at the desk and then came back to me and said he would get the kitten out and take me to one of the adoption cubicles. This is where you sit with the pet and spend a little time with them while you chat with the staff member. I told him which kitten I was interested in.

When he returned, we went to the low-walled cubicle. There were two chairs and we each sat in one. He told me the cat person would need to sit with me and ask me some questions, but he would sit with me until one was available. As he and I chatted about, well, cats and dogs, I played with the kitten. The kitten eventually wanted attention more than play time and jumped into my lap, pawed at my face until I bowed my head so we were face to face and he held my face while licking my nose and cheeks. I was laughing. It was then the young man stood and said we didn’t need to wait. He was going to do the paper work so I could apply to adopt the kitten. He said anyone could see the kitten had taken to me and I to him. I filled out the app and went home. They would let me know when I was approved. They only needed to speak to my landlord, whom I had let know I was going to get another kitten and he was OK with it. It took less time than I thought it would. SICSA called me that afternoon and let me know the landlord had called back and I could get the kitten the following day.

When I brought the kitten home, I hadn’t chosen a name for him yet. I had a few I was considering, but I suppose they didn’t matter because I don’t recall any of them nor do I recall the name SICSA had given him (only that I didn’t like the name). He immediately took to the other two cats and my roommate. I could tell he had been weaned too soon because he liked to nurse on blankets, nibble ear lobes and the tips of noses and lick your cheeks. It was few days after he arrived that his farting habit became apparent. I started to call him stinky and then it came to me. He was overly affectionate with his “kisses” of the nose and ears and cheeks and he could let out some odorous farts that lingered a bit. Who did that remind me of? Pepe Le Pew, the creepy stalker skunk from Looney Toons. After a while we called him Pepe and dropped the Le Pew. Thankfully, he outgrew the farting.

Pepe turned out to have one of the most interesting and fun personalities of any cat I have had. He also became the largest. He topped out at 20 – 22 lbs. The affectionate, in your face kitten had grown too big for me to be amused when he decided he wanted to show you some love. It was much different when would jump on my chest full grown. By comparison, Luna’s weight stays around 8 lbs. Some life changes found it being just the three of us for several years. His size and “kissing” behavior led me to joke that he was letting me know that if I die in my apartment, once food ran out he would be nibble off my cheeks, ear lobes, and nose. I’m not entirely sure that joke was far from reality.

Luna was palm sized when I got her from an ex. She looked exactly like my first kitten, who had been the runt of her litter… all gray with the softest fur. Though she was months older than Pepe, I thought of her as the baby. I was protective of her and she figured out she could get me to come to her rescue by “screaming” bloody murder when Pepe played too rough for her. She would instigate play time and when Pepe wouldn’t take the hint that she was done or when he would use his larger size to just pin her to the ground, the sound she would make was blood curdling. I would yell and chase Pepe away. Luna was definitely the favorite, but Pepe wasn’t loved any less. I had that childhood memory linked to Luna which caused me to be more fond of her.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety over the years. Luna and Pepe had to deal with the struggle by proxy. Pepe being as overly affectionate as he was led him to getting yelled at more often than Luna. I had no real reason to do so, but when I was struggling the most I lashed out at everything. I would always settle down and feel guilty. I would love on them both in an attempt to make amends. They were bonded to me, though, and as most pet owners know, they tend to forgive easily. As I learned to deal with my mental health and got help doing so, I was able to avoid lashing out the cats when they were “annoying” me. Everything annoyed me when I was struggling. I was at a point that I didn’t care if I woke up the next day. The joking about Pepe eating my face continued to be said in a way that was meant to be light hearted, but dark, humor, was becoming more honest. It was Pepe’s affection that helped me quite a bit.

My life changed again, as life is wont to do. The cats had already been though 3 moves with me before they were 10 years old. It was time for a fourth. This move took us from a house in the suburbs to a studio in a high-rise in the city. Though space was considerably smaller, they did well with the move. We spent a lot of our time hanging out together, especially since the country seemed to be going on lock down a month after the move. The pandemic had finally hit the US in full force. I was lucky that I had been working on the depression and anxiety to the point that I was able to mange it better. Having two cats who wanted to be in my lap most of the time was a huge help. I still didn’t like it when Pepe, now 18 lbs, would leap without warning and land on my chest and two of his paws would somehow always find the family jewels. I just didn’t yell about it or push him away anymore. I would gripe, but I would laugh. He would ignore all of it and get in my face to show his affection. I was to the point that I just let it go rather than stopping him after a minute or so. He was 10 years old. There was no way he was going to stop now. I also accepted that he was showing his love in a weird way.

It wasn’t long after the move that I found a lump on his neck, by his shoulder blade. A trip to the vet determined it was cancer and we returned to have it surgically removed. He did well with the surgery, but once they had the lump out and could test it, they let me know he had cancer throughout his body. I might have months left or a year left. It turned out that I had only a few months, he had just turned 11. I try not to think of the day I had to take him to the vet because he was taking deep breaths through his mouth. I knew he was struggling to breath. I’ll just say I couldn’t go to his regular vet. A friend drove us to one of their other locations (both had 24 hour emergency service, but my usual location didn’t have a doctor on duty). It was confirmed he had fluid on his lungs and recommended he be put down. It was 1:00 am. I wanted to be there with him, but because of covid, they said I couldn’t be in the building. They had no other people there with pets. I had a mask. I could have been allowed to be there with him. They brought him out to say goodbye and he was obviously distraught. He hissed at me. It was the only time I took him to the vet and he had been upset to the point of hissing at me. I was hurt and angry and fighting back tears. I waited until they called my cell to tell me he was gone and it was peaceful and someone was with him the whole time. Sure, a complete stranger. Then they told me to have a good night. Yes, I get very angry and my heart aches every time I think of this night.

I had him cremated. I have the urn sitting where I can see it every day. It took Luna a few weeks before she stopped looking for him. Her behavior changed somewhat. She has always “talked” to me, but it is much more often now. The oddest change is she now must come tell me that she used the litter box. She won’t stop telling me until I acknowledge her. I miss Pepe every day. It has been since last October that I lost him, but it feels like it happened days ago. I’ve moved to a new place, but I still wish he was here. I’m grateful Luna is in great health. I don’t think I’ll ever find another cat like stinky “little” Pepe.