Overnight, I Have Become the Mother of a Toddler Shih Tzu

I’ve written a bit over the last year about our rescue dog, Berkeley.

Long story short, Berkeley came into our possession soon after my husband and I were engaged, when a family member decided they no longer wanted their Shih Tzu and were planning to sell him on the internet.

We knew this dog personally — we knew he had very little experience with the outside world. He was not given boundaries or rules, and came with nasty behavioral issues.

We didn’t take him in because we could afford him. We didn’t take him in because we were ready for a dog. We took him in exclusively to save his life.

We’re now a year-and-a-half down the road, and Berkeley has been going through plenty of obedience training and rehabilitation. He’s improved immensely.

But since getting married, my husband and I can’t help but imagine what it would be like having small children in this house with an unpredictable dog who possesses a very real threat of biting.

The last few months, we’ve really wrestled with the reality that we may not be Berkeley’s forever home, but may instead be foster parents to him.

That prospect is absolutely heartbreaking for us. We don’t want to give him up.

But if he were to be a danger to our kids, then we’d have no choice.

In a last-ditch effort, we’ve consulted a behavioral specialist.

This dog specialist is the one who ran Berkeley’s obedience training classes.

I’ve seen 3 dogs within my extended family go through his training, and come out perfect family dogs for households with kids.

The obedience training did wonders for Berkeley’s willingness to take commands, but it didn’t directly address his aggressive, behavioral issues.

For this reason, we’ve consulted Bob one-on-one for specialized training, to create a defined and regimented set of rules, boundaries and procedures.

This is essentially our last chance to make this relationship work for the future.

Just like people, dogs have personalities, and some dogs just aren’t meant to be in homes with kids.

We really hope that this last effort will make all the difference.

We’ve got a hell of a lot of work ahead of us.

That was the first thing the behavioral specialist told us.

Unfazed, I shrugged and said,

“That’s fine, we’ve been committed to his rehabilitation for the last year-and-a-half, we’re willing to do whatever it takes.”

“You’ve done a lot of work so far,” Bob began. “But as it stands, I would not recommend, under any circumstances, that this dog be anywhere near children. He would undoubtedly seriously harm them.”

My eyes watered up at that comment, revealing my deepest fear.

Bob passed me a tissue and continued. “That said, let’s still give this one last really good go. I have a rescue who was just like Berkeley — just as vicious, traumatized, and psychologically broken. A few months of really intentional work with her, and now she’s an absolute dream of a dog. Let’s see if we can get Berkeley to that same place.”

I took a deep breath.

“We’ve tried everything at this point, we will literally do anything to make this work. He’s family to us now — we can’t imagine having to give him up.”

Bob nodded. “That’s good to hear. And this should be good practice for you and your husband too… considering.”

I gave him a confused look.

“You’ve explained that you’re planning to start a family in the coming years.” He smiled, playful humor in his eyes. “You and your husband feel bad for Berkeley because he didn’t have the best start. Because of that, you’ve been making up excuses for him and his behavior. You need to stop looking at him like a dog… and start looking at him like a child. Just like the children you’d be planning to have a few years down the road.”

“Consider what you wouldn’t let your OWN child get away with, and apply that logic and perspective to Berkeley.”

This light bulb moment changed everything.

When I started to consider Berkeley’s everyday behaviours, and imagined him as a three-year-old child rather than a three-year-old Shih Tzu, I was dumbfounded by how wrong we’ve been getting it.

Of course I wouldn’t leave my child’s dinner out all day for him to eat it whenever he wants to.

Of course I wouldn’t let my child stand on a snowbank in our backyard in the middle of suburbia and literally just shout into the abyss, just for the sake of making noise.

Of course I wouldn’t walk away from my child when they got violent or were throwing an aggressive tantrum, simply because I was afraid they might bite me.

Bob was right — this is going to be great training for my husband and I — because his prescribed regiment includes addressing our Shih Tzu’s entitlement and disrespect problems directly, and dealing with those behaviours just as we would a human toddler.

Suddenly, I’m the mother of a three-year-old child.

We now have a set of rules stuck to the refrigerator that Berkeley must follow.

If Berkeley breaks any of these rules, he must be put in a 1-minute timeout behind a closed door, all by himself.

When we call him for dinner, if he decides not to come and eat, his food is taken away. His next chance to eat will be his next meal, even if that means it’s going to be tomorrow morning. Bob assures us he’ll catch on very quickly.

He doesn’t own a single thing in this house. We worked for and bought everything, including his bed and toys — if he does not respect or appreciate those things, they will be taken away.

Working from home, this extreme behavioral adjustment plan is going to affect me most of all.

But I’m committed to making it work.

We may have never asked for this dog initially, but now that he’s been in our family for over a year, we can’t imagine not having him anymore.

Fingers crossed! It’s going to be a busy few months.

But he’s entirely worth it.

This article was originally published by the author on Medium.