My Husband's Attempt at Doggy Style Failed

A shrug of the shoulders implies, "I don't know." Thumbs up offers encouragement and thumbs down shows disapproval. When my granddaughter blows me a kiss, my heart grows and when the driver in the car next to me displays his middle finger, I remember to turn on my blinker light. Body language helps eliminate the need for words and enhances communication.

We say dogs can't talk, but they do communicate with body language. With a scratch, whine or a prolonged glare they let us know what they want. However, I have noticed that gestures are not interchangeable between dogs and humans. For instance, there are three specific behaviors my dog does on a daily basis that my husband can't get away with while maintaining a happy marriage.

The whine

Dagney is spoiled. She is spoiled rotten. Her demanding attitude developed so slowly that we didn't consciously realize we promoted it. When she wanted to play, we played because her frisky behavior made us smile. When she wanted a treat, we figured she earned a healthy reward for making us laugh. When she wanted to go for a walk, we enjoyed the fresh air. None of her nonverbal requests seemed unreasonable, so we humored her.

Then she started pouting when she didn't get what she wanted. If, on a rare occasion, we told her no, she assaulted us with the look. If the look was not bad enough, she combined it with a low high-pitched whine. Nothing obnoxious, at first. She just let out a little whimper sharing her discontent which usually caused us to cave.

When my husband witnessed my reaction to her pleas, he started to use what he thought was a sweet little whine to get my attention. At first, I laughed and filled his coffee cup. Then I gave him a dirty look but agreed to making his favorite meal. However, when his whine became a pattern to signal, he needed another beer during the football game, I threw a shoe at him.

Disclaimer: I would never throw a shoe at Dagney. Look at that face! My husband isn't that cute. Anyway, the shoe worked and his whining stopped.

The intense glare

Every dog needs a method to announce their need for a potty break. At night Dagney scratches to wake me up, but during the day she simply stands within inches of my face and stares. I have wondered if she is trying to communicate telepathically. Maybe it is working because I can feel her stare on the back of my neck. The intensity of her look sparks a fire under me as I imagine the distress of her little bladder.

My husband's attempts using the glare failed. First, there is no way I am taking him to the bathroom and second, just like the whine, I am not letting him manipulate me to do his bidding - even for things not bathroom related.

The scratch

Each evening when we sit down to read or watch TV, Dagney readily jumps on the couch and scratches our thighs. The scratch is her nonverbal gesture asking us to spread your legs. Since I usually sit with my legs tucked up under me, her request requires me to unfold, recline the chair, and extend my legs to create a cavity where she can burrow and sleep. If I am not compliant, she moves on to my husband who readily obeys.

We also practice a nightly ritual when we go to bed. She is content laying at the end of the bed until the light goes out. Once it is dark, she scratches our legs with the deliberate intent of parting them so she can make her bed. At first, I figured Dagney slept on my husband's side of he bed because my restless legs disturbed her slumber. OK by me, until dear hubby started bragging that she loved him more. The man I love sometimes annoys the hell out of me.

When we bought a motorhome, I gained new insight. To be closer to the bathroom, I started sleeping on the left side. Unexpectedly, our little girl curled up beside me. A hypothesis formed in my head and the experiment began. I started sleeping on the left side of the bed at home. You guessed it, she slept with me. Dagney is a southpaw.

Dagney is a Southpaw

Because my husband saw how obedient I was to Dagney's nightly scratching, he got a not so bright idea. When he came to bed, he left the light on so Dags stayed curled up near the bottom of the bed. Then, he reached over and scratched my thighs. Not only did I not spread my legs, but I reached to the floor, picked up my slipper and threw it at him. I suppose footwear is my tool of choice for husband training. He never tried to get frisky with that move again. I simply turned off the light myself and made room for Dagney to cuddle between my legs.

Sure, nonverbal communication sends a message. However, take it from me there are certain things a dog can do that a husband had better never try.

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My retirement hobby is to write stories that make readers laugh and appreciate the love of their furfriends.

Belief Statement: Humans make life too complicated. If we want to appreciate life, watch a dog for a day. They don't over think problems, perseverate on the impossible, worry about outcomes, or hold back affection. They see what they want, sniff it, lick it, roll in it and accept it.

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Happy tails. :)