My “Herb” Garden of Drugs (Cat’s Only!)

As I was sitting on a couch on my backyard patio, I noticed the bush that my family calls the “herb garden” was making a loud, rustling sound. The stems were violently moving back and forth as if something was disturbing them. The herb garden, which after many weeks of neglect, took over a significant portion of the back half of my yard and caused the rustling to be a little bit more noticeable. It emitted a strange smell of mint, lavender, and oregano mixed together but was masked by the overgrowth of my catnip plant, shooting out from all sides of the herb garden. I began to worry: What if it was a raccoon passing through, ripping and destroying the seeds I sowed, hoping to find a light snack in my prized garden. A racoon from before has already messed up my tomato plants along with leaving ripped chunks off my catnip plant to rot in the grass. Enough was enough. I looked over and saw a huge wooden stick my brother planned to use to hike with, but as of right now, it was going to be a raccoon herding stick. I grabbed the stick, held it like a katana, and walked slowly over to the bush, preparing for battle. My bare feet softly eased across the soft, green grass.

I was at least three feet away from the bush. The rustling was more prominent, and I heard the smacking of lips. I breathed in, breathed out, and used my stick to poke the edge of a bush. As I peeked into the abyss of herbs, I saw a four-legged creature with whiskers and a pink nose, staring back at me with bright green eyes.

We typically have a nice, civilized orange cat named Tobias that comes by to visit for some pets and food, or sometimes there's a gray cat called Stubs bothering us for a bite to eat. This particular cat, I have never seen. It was a brown tabby with damn near standing fur infused with black stripes and a hunched back, speckled with pink skin trophying its recent battle wounds.

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Catnip has a unique odor. Cats are attracted to the active ingredient, nepetalactone, that is found in catnip. It induces a euphoric state, like what hallucinogenic drugs do to people.

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He managed to escape the herb garden by fighting his way through the jungle. In a last-ditch effort, almost as a big ol’ middle finger, the cat turned around and began his hiss. It was a toe-curling hiss, one that was although short, packed a punch to stay engraved in my memory for a long time.

He turned back around and darted forward. I’m guessing the nepetalactone finally reached his system because he smacked right into the fence.

To regain itself from such utter embarrassment, he quickly leaped up halfway up the brown, wooden fence. Holding on barely by its claws, the cat managed to spring up once more, reaching the top of the fence to leap over to the other side.

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To Ericka Dana, she and her feline companions are enthralled that catnip grows “as a weed” in Iowa. She moved to Iowa after her unsuccessful venture idea of opening a business that sells catnip. Research states cats can react in many ways to the odor, which they show their happiness by pawing, clasping, rolling onto the side or rhythmic kicking with the back feet. They can become playful, energetic, mellow or sleepy. Even the cats that were angry at each other before eating the catnip would groom one another after eating.

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I believe I found the only cat in the world who gets angry after taking a mind-altering drug. Maybe the wildness that the cat embodies undercuts the effects of the drugs, or maybe in the cat’s eyes, I was the fuzz, busting up a good session. Who truly knows what that crazy cat was thinking. I’m apparently both the dealer and police for the neighborhood cats with my abundant bush of catnip. I’ll sell it to some cats, but I better not catch you stealing my stash. Maybe I should be like Dana and start my own drug corporation, selling only the finest and purest catnip in town. A herb garden with its lack of pruning has jump started a plausible business model for me!