Losing A Limb

It is a warm August afternoon. The breeze is subtle, but nonetheless alive. I allow the warm summer sun to gently hold my skin. I am sitting outside on the back patio of our new home trying to find joy in the sunshine for the first time since our move to Southern California. My earbuds pressed tightly inside of my ear. Listening to my favorite playlist, I attempt to drown out the sound of my own intrusive thoughts. While paying no mind to my physical surroundings, I suddenly hear a loud collision & sickening howl that could have only come from an injured animal. I quickly jump to my feet, now noticing that Luca is nowhere in sight. Sheer panic begins to consume me. Luca is my mischievous and most loving black lab. He is always getting into trouble and out of trouble just as fast. He is only 8 months old & my best friend. Recently Luca has figured out how to dig his way out of the yard by squeezing underneath the wrap-around privacy fence put in place to keep him safe. Sometimes I think he misses home and his freedom as much as I do.

I sprint over to the front gate and throw it open. We live on an always busy street now, looking out onto the road I see Luca struggling to make his way back over to the house after he's just been run over by a car. The driver who hit him begins to screech off hastily without a word or concern. He's covered in blood and can hardly hold the front end of his body up. I can't contain my emotion, terrified & sobbing I scream for Talia, my new roommate. Only here for a couple of weeks, we hardly know each other. She comes running down the front steps of her beautiful two-story home, shock & sorrow grip the edges of her face. I lift Luca into my arms, hot gravel sticks to my knees as I heave him up to my shoulders and carry him up the driveway. Talia opens the back of her green SUV, I set Luca down carefully before climbing inside and slamming the hatch shut. I sit in the very back with him, he is whimpering and breathing heavily. I blame myself. I should have been paying better attention to him. Each second feels like an eternity as we drive down the road. I hold him near & pray we don't lose him on the race to the hospital. My mother warned me this would happen before I left. She said, "Watch him closely, you'll be devastated if someone hits him with their car." She was right. Always predicting tragedy. She stayed in Indiana. And for once I'm sad to say I miss her.

Now flying into the parking lot of the animal hospital, we park under the awning near the entrance. Some of the staff see how frantic I am and come out to help me bring Luca inside. Taking him from my arms, they disappear into the back of the building. I attempt to stay with him but am soon halted by the receptionist before I can enter through the doorway. I place my hands on the back of my head and hold them there. My face pulled in towards the floor. In a trance, I standstill. Unable to move I stare at the bottom of the double doors numbly, noticing light brightly shining through the cracked door. I peek around the lobby. It is mostly bare. Cream-colored tile flooring. The walls are depressingly blue. The receptionist speaks to me, but I can't hear what she's saying. I only see her lips move as I stand before her, face expressionless. The sound of the entrance doors sliding open behind me snaps me back to reality. I turn around and walk outside as waves of anger and regret begin to wash over me. all over again. I find Talia sitting in her car watching the traffic slowly move by on the highway. I apologize as I sit down with her. She says nothing, bringing me in for a hug instead.

We sit outside together for a few hours. Mostly silent, yet allowing some small talk here and there between us. I'm feeling grateful for her presence when the veterinarian and one of her emergency nurses emerge from the hospital building. They stand under the awning to the entrance looking out towards the parking lot. I assume they're looking for me and I pause before I get out of Talia's SUV. Nervous about the news I will receive, I slowly make my way towards them. Clenching my fists together tightly, I can hear the sound of my heartbeat ringing inside my ears. The nurse gives a slight, but warm smile when our eyes connect. "Luca will be okay," she says. My heart jumps! A single tear slides down my cheek. Staring at her intently she continues speaking, her eyes darting back and forth between the nurse and myself. "He has suffered a significant amount of nerve damage, losing all function in one of his front legs. I recommend amputating the limb all the way up to his chest," She pauses, taking a breath. The tone in her voice shifts becoming calmer and comforting she says, "Given his young age, the surgery and recovery should be a breeze. Everything else checks out and his cognitive function seems to be intact as well." She smiles lightly as she finishes giving me the details. Relieved, I shake her hand & thank her for her help.

I rush over to Talia & give her the good news. She slaps the side of her car with joy & jumps out of the driver's seat. Stretching her body as we walk back into the hospital. The nurse greets us and takes us through the double doors down the long, brightly lit hallway where Luca is resting in a back room. As I get closer to him I see his tail tapping the metal table ever so gently. I smile, happy to see him, I silently thank God that he is still alive. Talia strokes his fur. I can't help but think about how strange life can be, seamlessly bringing us closer through an experience such as this one. I caress the side of Luca’s face with my hand for a moment. Leaning down I kiss his nose. "My sweet buddy. I love you."