Le’ Sauveur Noir Elegant, Ma Folle’ Luna
By : Karlton A. Armistad Date : 04/08/21
1. Le’ Amour Trahi
“You’re a fucking waste of space & air” Gregory shouted down the phone, with so much venomous hate, you could hear the poison seeping into my heart & killing every precious memory we had ever made. My story has to begin here because at this point things are going to take a very traumatic dive into suffering, will seem almost impossible.
See I moved to the small village of Wentwitworth on the far coast of Scotland, my best friend Gregory and his family (who I saw as my adopted family) had moved here 5 years prior for a better quality of life. That was the official ‘line’ given on the subject mind you; not that Gregory’s Mom Angela, after only dating some biker she met at rally, had decided to dump Gregory’s Dad Paul, after 15 devoted years of marriage.
So, Angela packed his little brother up, and up-sticks to the coasts of Scotland for love and for passion, which at the time made no sense to us, but led to Gregory moving up to her 2 years later, as he needed his mother nearby to help with his young son, Kyle. Angela was an independent and free spirit, at 58 she felt she deserved her happiness, and Paul though devoted to her was no longer enough. Gregory her eldest of 4 children felt both anger and disappointment at this decision.
Gregory Anthony Bolton was 22 when we met, he had a really chilled and adventurous spirit for his age but had lived through so much life trauma at that age, you could understand why he had trust issues and felt an internal hate for his Mother Angela. He stood at 5ft 9inches tall, and for a white guys had the coolest skin I had ever seen. He didn’t carry himself the best but as his friend, I didn’t/wouldn’t judge him in the slightest.
Our friendship blossomed out of the fact that he stood by Me, when the scumbag of an individual chose to cheat on me and destroy my life and I stood by him when his girlfriend a sociopath in heels and tantrums called Natalie had their child taken away at birth and Gregory was forced to step in and raise him or watch his only son Kyle be raised by the Social Care system. I tell you this…...no one and I mean absolutely no one wanted to be responsible for that.
So that morning in early January when I was faced with 2 very life-changing choices; the first and most logical being to end My life and the other, reach out to the One person who would know as soon as I called that something was seriously wrong with Me.
I heard Gregory’s caring and comforting voice say ‘come, of course come; just pack what you need and leave what you can’t carry and come as if you die a part of me will never be same’; I instantly packed light and booked a cab and my train tickets and headed out to the station. I had started to the process to die, so there were pills scattered on the floor amongst other things I had chosen to make my passing painless. Within a day and with hardly any mental capacity left in Me; I made it to Lenwitworth.
Gregory was waiting at the Station for Me, and we drove back to his House where we shared the longest and most needed Hug I have ever had. Kyle hugged me even tighter and so did the rest of the family except Daniel, Gregory’s younger brother who did do hugs as that for him was not the Goth way.
After a couple of days, I went to visit Angela’s home, which was located a very short 3 minute walk around from Gregory’s; it was a spacious three bedroomed semi-detached 2 storey building with a decent sized back and front yard space, which due to Angela suffering from a life-debilitating condition known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as well as recovering from an almost fatal car crash a year or 2 before, was only half decorated, but looked clean and comfortable for her and Daniel and their 2 dogs Loki and Luna.
It was this meeting that was to change My life forever as the instant Luna and I laid eyes on each other, we knew we were always gonna be the best of friends. I was never a dog person, that was a fact, as pets never played any importance in my life, but that was about to change more than I could ever imagine.
I found a job in my very poorly state and that sealed the deal that Wentwitworth was where I was meant to be, it was working as Head Chef for a small Hotel and restaurant that had just acquired new Owners called The McBrotherington. I believed this would be where as I recovered; I could also earn a living and was led to believe I would be safe with any worse happening to my already broken and defeated shell.
This fantasy did not last long; as a year later, I would be out of a job, repeated sexually assaulted by another member of staff, who as it turns out was best friends with my adorable Gregory. The Gregory I knew trusted and loved honestly died here in Wentwitworth, and what I had in his place was a manic alcoholic, that did way too much drugs, lived with a girlfriend he openly despised while hating his Mother with passion and failing to be there for poor Kyle, now 7 years old and having to live with the domestic violence and constant arguments between his Dad and step-mom Layla.
Layla wanted no ties to little Kyle but stated openly she would rather die than live with Gregory. Gregory openly and unashamedly made it known to everyone in the village except Layla that she was only needed by Him to be a mother-figure to young Kyle and a human version of a condom for his unwanted anxiousness. And while trying to recover from all of my life challenges and failing again at it; I shared a home with Gregory, girlfriend and child.
After a year of sheer hell living with them and a list of harmful and violent actions by Gregory, everything about Us, was brutally murdered in late January of 2020. Gregory was due to attend his ‘Alcohol and Substance Miss-use’ therapy session in Brentforth, a village 40 miles from Wentwitworth. This would usually be just another day in the crazy house, with Layla barely bothering to pay any needed attention to Kyle, Gregory recovering from another night of returning home ruinously intoxicated from drink and drugs, and me left to look after Kyle for school and picking him up after school was finished.
But Gregory and I were at odds and things were so bad I was spending more and more days at Angela’s, as I didn’t particularly feel safe around the creature he had become.
Gregory failed to ask Me what I was doing with my day that morning and if it would be ok to look after Kyle for that afternoon, it just grunted at me before going through the door “I’m going Kyle, see you”. I took that to mean as a responsible parent; he’s made plans and had all his shit figured out.
I went to Colton- Baylor, another small village on the coast with Angela, as she had a dental appointment and asked, ‘Can you please come with Me to the dentist as I am usually nervous for these kind of visits?”. “Of course, I will but think I might have to get back by 1pm to grab Timothy from school” I said.
The journey to Colton-Baylor was wonderful, the Scottish Mountains in January, had a wintery bliss with rushing springs and glistening rocks that took my mind away from the fact that I was losing Gregory. As hard I tried to save what we were, I was living with a stranger, he’d even managed to for the 1st time in our friendship to refer to me as a ‘black bastard’. In all our years of friendship my race had never separated Us and now We were at, maybe even past that divide.
The little road-trip to Colton-Baylor did lift my spirit and after the dentist, Angela and I went antique shopping, and even had a love Fish & Chips lunch before coming back to Wentwitworth.
We even made it back in time, so I would be home for collecting Kyle. I loved that boy as if he was my own and would never see harm come to him no matter what, and even that Gregory had managed to overlook. It’s like he’d built a wall between I would never be able to climb, and we would not be able to tear down, and with each brick I felt my heart being stabbed.
That evening after hearing Gregory say “you’re a fucking waste of space and air”; I started to pack all my things and left his House to move into Angela’s. It was never where I wanted to be, not because I didn’t love and respect her and believed she cared for me as son but because Gregory was always a part of Me and such a special part I never saw him being abusive, nasty and bitter to me, but I was proved wrong and even though moving in with Angela seemed the right thing to do, it served as one of the most damaging decisions I was to make in my whole life.
2. Le’ Bureau et Luna Mon He’ros
I spent my first night in Angela’s home crying myself to sleep, both her and Daniel did their absolute best to make me feel welcome, and I greatly appreciated but I was numb from the day’s events, including my fat ass managing in haste to sit on my brand new 50inch flat screen television and breaking it. Gregory in whom I placed all my trust and belief We had each other had kicked Me out onto the streets and treated Me like I was nothing.
My tears soaked through the beautiful cream coloured bed-linen and as they flowed like Scottish sky releasing its burdens into an overflowing river; I felt the last of any love I believe I would ever know leave Me. I kept hearing a light scratching at the bottom of the bedroom door, and wanted to ignore it but couldn’t
I opened the door and in bound Luna, Angela’s sleek black coated Cocker Spaniel. I was never a dog person and in truth apart from Gregory’s dog Shadow, who completely adored Me, I truly never bothered with seeing animals as companions, family or care-givers.
But here was this other being, freely choosing to hear my pain and suffering and willing wanting to comfort me, be there for me, doing so with no judgement, nastiness and hate.
Luna bounded in; and her spirit lifted both me and the room up, she tried sniffing for whatever she felt was available to eat. She sniffed me all over as if to say, ‘I like you and I need to know your scent, so I can tell when you are home or not, and to wait for you as you make me happy’. We bonded and as the bond was strengthened, I started to make a point to know my new ally.
Angela’s place became a temporary Office, and I registered as Homeless with the local Government Housing Office, as I knew Angela’s place was not where I would stay. I would always be there for her, to help her, to learn from her and to treasure her for her help and care shown to me, but I needed my own space again, my own freedom to heal. The loss of Gregory had destroyed a great part of my faith in humans, and that part was to heal with Luna’s unconditional love and care.
Luna saw Me, all that was broken, battered and damaged from the actions of others and my own naivety as well as my careless attraction to making stupid and poor choices. Did my Luna hate me for them, no she couldn’t, she loved me even more and provided that boost of happiness that led to me realising that those choices are not in my best interest, those people are not my people and being naïve though cute, is a weakness not a strength.
As the summer kicked in and the stress of isolation heightened, Angela’s care and support slowly turned to resentment and hate. It was like watching a snake shed its skin to become more dangerous and more undetectable to its victims.
She would say things that to her were the pinnacle of mild mannered humour but to me on the other end of it was like another stab at my already non-existent self-worth. They were not even called for, but she said the without a single thought ‘I can see you dying in two years if you keep stuffing your face like that. Not saying it to upset you, only trying to uplift you’ was one remark Angela made.
I would go to my room and lay there crying into my pillow for a long while with Luna nuzzling her smooth sleek head against my belly to try and cheer me up. When it was really bad, we would go for a walk by the beautiful shores of the loch, I would let Luna off her leash and watch her run and stride into the loch’s cool waters, and swim out with such bravery, ease and comfort I envied her those moments.
All I had to do was shout or whistle and Luna would come straight back to shore and to my side as she believed in Me as her protector and I in her as a source to sooth my spirit. This made it very hard to leave her when I was offered a job opportunity in Fort Valentine, 3 hours on the other side of Scotland which came with living accommodation.
Everything happened so suddenly within a 2 day period and I was now living in a dingy little cottage without WIFI and my own kitchen to make breakfast or meals that was a full-on construction site on the downstairs level, and bedroom and bathroom on the upper level, filled with just enough loneliness to make my heart break missing my Luna.
The hotel was in a ‘not-so-great’ state as was the Management and staff there. The struggle began almost instantly to secure an identity and respect from those there, but after 3 days it was clear I was worth holding on to, and feeling broken but focussed, I prayed Luna was doing ok without me.
On the 4th day of being at the Hotel, after finishing work at 11:00pm in the late of night I returned home to get a phone-call from Daniel that Gregory had been attacked by tourists visiting the village and badly beaten up. Such was the beating the guy that attacked him gave him, that his lower jaw had been dislocated and a few of his lower teeth had been forced into his upper jaw, which saw him bleeding significantly and in need of hospital treatment.
I had also received a voicemail from the Manager of the local Café’ Lianne Greynold, that she would like me to attend a final interview, which was just a formality, that would see me working as an Assistant Cook for Café’. Excited by the prospect of returning home to the village but saddened by the fact that as I had only been out the village a few days and Gregory had managed to lose the use of his mouth in a senseless attack with strangers.
Going back to Wentwitworth was the right decision to make and make it is exactly what I did. I told the Hotel Kitchen Manager Robert O’Hare, I had to head back to the village due to the attack on my brother and that a job offer in the village had also come up and I am terminating my training effective 2 days’ time to return to where my Heart and my Luna were.
My last day at the hotel was a Sunday morning and as the sun rose over the picturesque coastal bay of the hotel, I thanked Robert for the opportunity to work alongside him and boarded my Taxi to head home. He begged me to reconsider and stay, as he was pleased with how hard I worked and wanted to continue what he saw as a brilliant working partnership, but this was not meant to be.
I was to return to my temporary home at Angela’s, but with the opportunity to now rent a place of my own in a few weeks and be free of the emotional abuse that was a daily occurrence there. I was to return to a new opportunity to get stable in Wentwitworth with Lianne, whom though it was said she is tough, was believed to be fair, would she prove to be so, who knows.
I was to return to help Gregory feel safe again in the arms of the One true friend he had and who could lift his ailing spirits, as the attack by the tourists had left him questioning himself. So, me being there would remind him even if he was bad, he wasn’t all bad and it was that his attackers didn’t know him long enough to see the good in him.
I returned and after a long drive and some unwanted interest from my Taxi driver, was greeted by the excited barking and paw-hugs of a crazy lovely Luna, and her friend Daisy, a brown luxuriously coated fury Labrador that belonged Estelle & Ethan Holmes that resided in the village. Estelle painted for living while Ethan did tours with his minivan around the coastal villages and Daisy was just their lovely sidekick/pet.
Daisy being just a young dog still, had a huge crush on my Luna and was not afraid to show it, which was fun to watch in play, as Luna only liked the attention for a short time, then would resist the closeness just out of the fact that like her Papa (Me), she was a Diva.
Unpacking my stuff quickly back into the bedroom/safe space I had left only a few days earlier did not take long and I took both Luna & Daisy down to the loch to catch the last of the evening sun and let out a sigh of relief that I was back and things for once did not look so dark and dismal.
For the 1st time in 6 months I could start to feel a weight lifting from my weakened body. As the dogs frolicked in the calmness of the loch’s waves and the amazing warmth of the day’s blessed number of sun-kissed rays on our bodies, a hopeful hint of happiness creeped across my face as if it was visiting with the chance of staying. ‘Luna…what are you doing you crazy woman’ I shouted as she ran out the water and splashed the salty loch drizzle all over Me while trying to jump up into my hand to stop sweet and frisky Daisy from humping her within an inch of her life.
‘Bad Daisy, what have I told You about consent, when Luna says no, it means no….I tried saying without chuckling but failed to. ‘We are gonna have to send you off for some lesbian counselling, are we?” I finished while they both tried licking my face. A real sense of piece just chilling with the two dogs and the calm sun filled day was bliss.
The next morning I woke to find a comfy and calm (for all of 10 seconds) Luna at the bottom of my bed, as I stumbled to the toilet to let my body-weight decrease by a healthy morning wee, the little Madame chose to run off with my bed slippers, leaving me to walk with only 1 foot on down the stairs, to find her by the back door, my slipper hidden behind her as she waited for me to let her out to do her morning release ritual.
‘You, you, you naughty girl’ I said to which she ran outside and shook her tail happily, with that look on her face that said ‘if you are planning to leave again, I’m gonna make sure you can’t’. I filled her water bowl made a cup of piping hot cinnamon coffee, switched the Television on to watch the morning news on BBC Scotland. Luna ran back in from outside, and as I sat down in Angela’s reclining comfy chair, Luna too her place on the arm and nuzzled her body cosily into my side like a loyal bodyguard.
A new dawn shone over my life that morning, with hope and potential happiness shining through my very soul, and even though she did know it, it was Luna and her devotion to me that saw me through the dark days. We began our new adventure that day as we still do now together, forever and happy to be that way, me and my Luna.
About the Creator
Carlton A. Armistad is the pseudonym for Andrew R. Little. I prefer writing under this as it allows me to look at any body of work I complete separate to my personal day-to-existence, and safeguards my relationships and family.