Insight

Night falls. Movement below. Scratching, then rustling. Don't breathe. Focus. Food. Take flight: wind and timing. Dive, grab then climbing. Search for safety, land and devour.

Instincts. Driving my volition, keeping my vision sharp as I observe what may appear as chaos from the ground, but my interpretation is choreographical.

Under the cloak of night, I take flight from my tree branch perch. Rising above the leaves of the trees in silence I find a current of wind coming down from the mountain peaks and flex my wings to catch it. Below I see the fox, body low to the ground as he stalks the unaware rabbit digging her burrow in the earth. I know the sounds and focus of the rabbit cultivating her home in the dirt makes her unaware of the danger behind her. I watch the fox, ready to pounce, knowing he will miss out on his dinner. Only to become that of another. The mountain lion hunts on a rock ledge above him. I see her shadow in the light of the moon, she's blending with the boulders. And using height to her advantage. She waits for the fox to be totally absorbed with his task. This hunt will be his last.

The lion lunges. A leap from fifteen feet, she falls fast on her prey. Her jaws find his throat and she is quick with her kill. There is only survival in the wild. Harsh, calculated. Honest.

My view is nearly omniscient. Watching all parts come together, to make a whole that only I can take in from this perspective. The rabbit, having been spared this night, will make her home and eventually birth her young. The promise of a meal to come.

With a heavy pump of my wings I grab the air, gaining altitude as I survey my territory. The Hawk has been scavenging along the edges of my region, attempting to forge a dominion over my borders. I must protect my land. My search for a mate continues, and establishing my ground before she arrives is imperative to the survival of our offspring.

Soaring, air rushing through my feathers, I find peace in dark skies. This is my purpose. Glide, and breathe. Glide, and breathe, beat my wings to pull me higher, elevating my flight into currents in the upper air. Glide, and breathe. Each whisper of wind felt from the tips of my feathers vibrates down my body through to my hollow bones. Any slight shifts in pressure alert me of changing weather or a stealthy predator.

A hoot in the distance? Cocking my head to the side, I listen. Floating down to a current that may better carry the sound, straining my senses. Hooo-hoo-hoo. Yes. This is the sound I have been waiting for. The call of a potential mate, I have been hearing her cries in the distance for nearly a fortnight now. I call back to her. The time to mate is near, the creatures that live on the soil have been stirring in the longer, warmer days. Food is in abundance, and her allure guides my instinct to find her.

I tilt my wingspan, changing course to fly into the west, no longer a thought for the Hawk. She is far, past the peak of the mountain. But as I fly she hoots again. Hooo-hoo-hoo. She is closer than what the speed of my flight alone would allow. She must be searching for me as well. A possible match.

Flying, flying, each wing stroke carrying me with resolve. The night progresses as I climb higher in the sky with the moon. Then, a downshift of the wind. Unexpected and cold. I fall with it, holding my control and allow it to draw me towards the ground. I hear a rush of water. Louder, louder, the sound drowns out all others. A great falls spring forth from the mountainside as I follow the current around a bend. The crashing of water below sends up a spray that spreads droplets on my wingtips. Without a dry place to land, I beat against the weight of the air pushing me down, and pull my body upwards. But wait – way high in the outline of the stars in the sky, I see her! She heard my call. She was looking for me too.

Faster I pump my wings, harder, eager to meet my potential partner. Still lost in the sound of the falls I concentrate only on her. Breathe. Focus. Female.

Pain!

Claws, savagely swiping. Not my own, another's: grabbing, raking, limiting chances of escaping. Dragging, falling, crashing through trees and mauling. Twisting, turning, shifting my weight, together we're descending.

Slamming!

Hit forest floor. Still breathing. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Gash by my eye that is gaping. Foe on the ground beside me, my damaged eye can barely see.

Not the Hawk? Owl: another of our kind. He also seeks the female. Injured. Worse than me. He breathes, just barely. I flex my wings, testing. No time for resting. Take off, sight hindered. Female forgotten. Must find safety.

Hovering in the air I find a current that takes me home. My territory. Taking no chances on my path to sanctuary, I spread my wings further. Riding the air with the tips splayed, eliminating the sound of flight to allow me to glide in silence. Finally. In my nest I hide, as dawn reaches pink fingers into the sky.

------

Awake. Eye burning. Night has fallen and I must rise. Thirst and hunger, can't hold off much longer. The search for food in my injured state is not a game. Life threatening. These next few meals are everything. Muscles coiled to leap and take flight, I will hunt by the rabbit hole tonight. I can find this without my sight.

Flapping my wings I feel the damage of the fall in my feathers. Hard to keep centre. In desperate need of preening, will have to wait until I'm done eating. Using my one good eye I scout the rabbit hole. Patiently I attempt to maintain my altitude above her den. While finding her was easy, I will have to wait for her to leave her home also in search of nourishment. As I hover I feel myself sink and sway, unable to maintain the air I catch through the unevenness of my damaged quills. Flapping harder, I continue to steadily drop. The shock of the attack the night before allowed me to force my body back to my nest. But hovering here tells me more damage was done than I initially thought. The urge to land is growing stronger. Exhaustion from trying to stay aloft in this condition overwhelming my limbs.

I feel a shift in air pressure. Not from temperature, not from wind. From the flight of another. Barn owl? Did he survive? His injuries were great from taking the brunt of our fall beneath me. I crank my neck all the way around, while still trying to maintain my elevation. The Hawk. He senses my weakened state. He pushes the boundary of my territory. He sees his opportunity.

A straight down drop Hawk dives for me. I flap my wings with force I did not know existed in my body. Again. Again. Keep pushing, just fly. Losing altitude. No. I will not die.

At the very last moment Hawk veers from me. He does not attack. He does not attack? Taken off guard, I land for a moment. Breathe. Off again, fast as my injured wings will carry me. Through the trees, dodging branches; they reach to snag my bedraggled feathers. Hawk just behind me, giving chase, driving me through the forest. Unable to gain height in this debilitated state. No food in my belly, no fuel in my blood, wings pumping faster and heart beating harder. Hawk pushing at me, but will not attack. Why? My land is his for the taking, yet he restrains. With his superior flight he pushes me out of my territory and into his, herding me the way you would a large prey you corner for the kill. He could easily take me in my condition. Unable to keep pushing, exhaustion overtakes my muscles, they shake and seize. Each flap is used not to fly further but to slow my fall. The ground comes closer, closer, - Darkness.

Not the darkness of night. Absolute. Total darkness. Nothing to my senses. All sound muffled. Move my wings, feel confined. Flap, hitting edges, no space, all darkness, nothingness. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Flap again, feels futile. Not dead, but no escape. Trapped. Never felt like this before. Breathe. The sensation of motion: movement that's not my own. Sounds softened by my close prison walls.

Sudden light! Explode my body from confinement, only to find myself in another trap. Unable to move further than a few wingspans in either direction. Caged. Sunlight harsh to my sensitive eye after utter blackness. Starvation in the pit of my belly. So much energy in staying alive, nothing left to hunt with, nothing left to attempt an escape.

A sound. Crane my neck around, scout behind me. Entering my field of vision, Man. Savage. Brutal. Kills not for survival. Hawk sits perched on Man's arm. It is clear now, they have an alliance. That is why he does not attack. Man walks towards my cage. Opens a hatch that I did not see. Fear and exhaustion leave me frozen. Man has all power here. He drops something at the bottom of my enclosure. A single mouse. Man leaves. I devour mouse. Sleep.

Day after day the same. Man never comes at night. He leaves me mice. I am too tired to fight. Hawk always on his perch. Stronger I get, with each passing meal, each passing rest. I begin to long for my nest. Vision is clearing, my wound healing. Man comes closer and closer, but trust like the hawk cannot be given. Man's intentions always unclear. Man will always be something to fear.

As time elapses I feel stronger. Feeling like I cannot stay trapped much longer. Preen feathers, day after day, Man comes to visit; I watch, I wait. I listen. I hear the latch, the mechanism, to make this cage open. Hawk sits perched on Mans' arm. He watches me. He sees I am not free. I stare back with envy.

Another day. Man comes. Hawk sits perched on Man's arm. Hawk's wings stretch, he takes off in flight. Man does not stop him. How I long to soar into dark night. Hawk comes back. Man is Hawk's cage.

I stretch my wings. Man looks at me.

Hooo-hooo-hoo I call to man. Man looks at me. I long to be free. Hooo-hoo-hoo.

Another day. Motion. Man comes. Man looks at me. Hawk sits perched on Man's arm. Hawk stretches his wings. I stretch mine. This is it. Today I will be free.

Don't breathe. Focus. Freedom. Man opens my prison, drops in mouse. Instantly I explode in movement. Wings tucked to my body, shooting straight out, forget food, nothing i want this badly. Man jumps back.

Breathe. Focus. Free. Peace flies with me.