From a Tile Sandwich to Animal Emancipation

Hello. I’m going to write about my two dogs, why they’re awesome and why you should care (seriously, I swear I've discovered some sort of work-life hack but we'll go over it later), but before that, a quick story.

I was on a film set recently. Yes, get me. Occasionally I do extras work for movies or TV to earn a bit of money and for the sheer thrill of it.

For my latest role, I was playing an office worker. I had to wear a suit and turn up at a central London office at 6am for filming. I love extras work but that morning dug up a lot of bad memories for me. In a previous life, I was a corporate drone for 19 years, toiling away in dry and stuffy environments with ceiling tiles above me and carpet tiles below.

I was a depressed tile sandwich, sitting behind a desk for eight hours a day in existential misery.

Then, I left.

Redundancy came in like a wrecking ball and saved me from two decades of spiritual crucifixion. I was emancipated from sandwich-dom by a simple technicality.

Here's the bit about my dogs

Ok, so you get the idea I hated the office. Who doesn't? Now let's talk about my dogs. These days I have lots of small income streams, two of which are writing and video editing (I have loads of fingers in loads of poorly paid pies).

The upshot is I spend an inordinate amount of time hunched over a laptop at home. I love it; no angry boss, no pointless emails, no boring meetings, no carpet tiles. Just me and my dogs.

That’s two working cocker spaniels. Ronnie and Roo. An uncle and his younger niece.

Back when I was stuck in corporate machinations, friends would talk to me about office dogs —animals their co-workers had brought in to sit under desks and sniff around break out areas.

They always worked in progressive media companies that had beanbags, foosball tables, taco Tuesdays and dogs.

This blew my mind. I wasn't even allowed to take my tie off let alone bring a pet into the office.

"The office dog is staring at me" is a text I once received. This is like complaining to a starving man the pasta they're not allowed to eat is too al dente.

But now I’m the one who works with dogs. And if I fancied, I could sit on a beanbag too.

The three of us have a routine. On the days I'm not supplementing my income with delivery jobs (why didn't anyone tell me self-employment is so glamorous?) I come downstairs and sit on the sofa, opening my laptop.

This is the sign my four-legged friends were hoping for. It's a bat signal, shining up into the sky saying "I'm staying in today, come join me."

They run in from the kitchen and claim space next to me on the sofa, pushing up against my hips as I try to establish dominance and my own space.

Then they sleep. Soundly. The click-clacking of the keyboard and the warmth of my body has the Pavlovian power to lull them into a coma-like state. They're out of it, quietly huffing in dreamland as I work.

What's the work-life hack then?

Fair point, I did promise we'd go over it. There's a couple of real benefits I've found to working with sleeping dogs at your feet or wrapped around your lower back. Apart from the odd psychological soothing a sleeping dog evokes (why is this? I’ve never quite worked it out), it’s boosted my productivity. Hugely.

I have two ideas as to why.

Firstly, the moment an animal is asleep on you, there is no moving. You don't want to wake them out of guilt. So, stiff-necked and aching-backed, I remain in one position and plough on.

No more getting up to stare pointlessly into the fridge for me, I work because I have to work. I'm not going anywhere.

The second reason is a bit more theoretical, but I think there's substance to it.

Have you heard of the new trend of people logging onto a video call to work together in silence? There are services out there like this for lonely office workers stuck at home. They claim it helps productivity and reduces the feelings of isolation. Well, This is my homemade version. Two dogs.

I can focus so much more simply because I have them by my side. I guess it feels like (even though they're dogs) we're all in it together. They're doing the workday with me.

Also, I regularly have a little nap with them too. That's right, I nap, and I still get loads done. Eat that every CEO who thinks working from home is unproductive.

Perhaps the point here is workplaces should allow pets. Or working from home should allow naps. I don't know, I haven't got a big political point here, all I know is my workplace hounds do wonders for me.

They're sleeping on the sofa right now, as I type. They show up, every day as my silent colleagues and my tacit supporters.

Animals give back to us using their love, attention and consistency. They can be counted on. They'll never show up in a bad mood, taking their insecurities and stress out on you. They'll quietly stick by your side and say "You carry on, I'm here." Perhaps. Maybe that's all projection on my part, but whatever the case, "EmPAWyee of the month?" Indeed. Every month.

Working with animals is always better than working without them. If we have to return to work, I suggest our pets come with us.

Who can disagree with that?