Your Vulnerability is Your Strength

I don’t know about you, but I’m an incredibly vulnerable person. I’ve always worn (and still wear) my heart on my sleeve and this, I’ve never found it difficult to let people in. Until recently, I thought that wearing my heart on my sleeve and being such an open person was my harmatia; my fatal flaw. And when I got my heart ripped apart at the start of the year, I blamed myself and my nature. My first thought was that if I didn’t love so much, if I don’t fall so hard and if I didn’t share too much, then my heart would be hurting much less and I would be healing quicker.

Prior to that break-up, I’ve had many experiences in which I’ve too felt that my vulnerable nature let me down. From group assignments, to friendships, to work related events and everything in between. Sometimes my acts of honesty would be flipped on its side and my words would get twisted. Sometimes I would let someone in my heart so much that I’d forget about what I wanted and needed. Most times, the person I’d let in would forget too and that would always hit me a truck. But they didn’t hit as hard as the hurt that followed the break-up.

For the months that followed the break-up, I built a wall around myself. I tried to put my heart back in my chest rather than wearing it on my chest. I wouldn’t say that I was distant with my friends, family or colleagues but I did find myself filtering what I did or didn’t say. But what I was most afraid of was that I would meet someone new, whether they would be a romantic interest or not, be vulnerable with them and then they’d ultimately toss me aside or worse, step to over my beating heart.

Aside from writing the occasionally and infrequent blog on Vocal, I work in the performing arts industry as a teaching artist, actor and director which as you can imagine is not the best field to be working in with COVID around. However, as a part of my work and making sure that I’m continually growing and evolving as an actor, I try to do as many acting classes that I can. Recently, I started doing an screen acting class in which the scenes and exercises we act out are recorded. When then watch these videos as a class and my teacher gives us notes. One of my teachers first notes for me was how beautiful it was that I’m so vulnerable and how I’m able to connect with any character I’m playing so seamlessly. He said that my vulnerability is my strength, a sentiment which was echoed by the rest of my classmates. And for the next few lessons, I kept receiving the same praise and comments and it really made me think. I could make my classmates cry and laugh and relate to me (and the character I was playing) by just being me. By being, honest and authentic. By feeling and loving and connecting. It may sound silly or even minuscule in writing, but that was a life changing moment for me. It not only felt like I was being validated for being myself someone was telling me that my vulnerability was my super power. That it was my strength and not my weakness. And that meant a lot to me. Is still does.

So here I am telling you, the reader, that if you’re like me and wear your heart on your sleeve, then you should never try to change as it is your super power. Yes, we may feel hurt more than others and feel hurt more deeply, but it is also why have the most fruitful friendships and relationships in our lives. But most importantly, it’s what makes you you and as far as I’m concerned, that’s one of the best people that you can be.