"You look like Sid the sloth from Ice Age"

It is safe to say, fitting in is not my thing. I could list off many occasions I have felt like a fish out of water, an imposter or an alien from another planet. In fact, one of my many nicknames in school was alien head...I mean it is funny now, but it certainly wasn’t back then.

One particular moment in time where I felt so isolated and completely out of my comfort zone was the time I decided to follow a hair trend that was making its way round school. Now picture this, I was a fair skinned girl with thick wiry dark hair, a wide crooked nose and wide set eyes. So safe to say I was already standing out, when all I ever wanted was to fit in. Due to my unique look, I became target of the year for the bullies in my school. It was relentless, there was one boy who made sure he taunted me every single day without failure. This guy did not give up! I knew that 2,3 or maybe even 4 times a day he would find me and try and make my life a misery. My friends tried to make a joke out of it, said he secretly fancied me. I can assure you, that was not the case he was just a cruel bully. He made one comparison that really stuck with me, I remember him standing close to my face and saying “you know who you look like? Sid the sloth from Ice Age”. I really like Sid from the animated film Ice Age but as a self-conscious teenager who just wanted to blend in and merge with the shadows, this was an unwelcomed comparison.

My foster sister was very on trend. She was in with all the popular kids. Following this new hair trend was something she wanted to do regardless of what it would look like on her, but she had the confidence to pull it off. It sounds less scary when I describe it to be honest. I think it all started with the pop singer Cheryl Cole from the girl band Girls Aloud. People with mousey brown to medium brown hair started to get honey-coloured highlights through their hair. It looked good on some people, a nice subtle change but bang on trend.

I woke up one morning and decided, I need to fit in at school. I was sick of standing out and wanted to blend in with everyone else. I had this delusion that if I changed my hair, then maybe I could fit in more and look more like everyone else. The day came, my foster mum took both me and foster sister to the local hairdressers. They had done my hair several times, so I felt safe enough to allow them to make the change. I was sat in the chair with the foils in my hair, feeling smug. I was excited to see the new an improved me!

Foils off, hair rinsed and dried. I stared into the mirror before me. My heart hit the floor; I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. No, it wasn’t good. My hair had different tones of what was nearly blonde but not quite, more yellow and definitely not the more discreet honey colour I was after. I was devastated, so was my foster mum as she just spent nearly £100 for this transformation, and I was sat there bawling my eyes out. I genuinely thought it was the end of the world. Put yourself in my shoes, as much as this sounds very dramatic! I pinned my hopes on this one thing to change my life. All the other things I was bullied for such as my face, couldn’t be changed in a hair salon. Changing my hair was the best I could do.

My hair was extremely dry from the bleach, I looked like a chubby scarecrow. Well, maybe a ghostly scarecrow as my skin is so fair its almost transparent. To my horror the hairdressers advised that we don’t put a dye over the top of highlights and that I do not apply any heat to my hair for a few weeks. They suggested I use some leave in condition treatments after I wash my hair to help improve the condition before applying any additional hair dye. That evening was a challenge, my foster mum had prized my hair straighteners from my arms whilst I wailed like a screaming banshee. She felt rotten too, she knew what was going on at school and had already reported the bullying to the head teacher, but nothing changed. Eventually the crying tired me out and before I knew it, it was time to get up for school.

I was so upset, tried every trick in the book to swerve school that day but my foster mum was not giving in. She did a great job of styling my hair and sent me on my merry way to school. Walking to class was the most horrific moment, I felt like I was going to be sick. I opened the door and tried to scurry by hoping no one had noticed me. Straight away I heard a voice bellowing, “what have you done to your hair freak, you look like a zebra". I shrugged the comment off, sat with my friend who comforted me. Then in came the relentless bully, he spotted me like a lion who had caught sight of his pray. He slowly walked over with a wide smile from cheek to cheek. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “no matter what you do to your hair, you will always look like Sid the sloth from Ice Age", I heard quiet sniggering from my classmates fill the silence in the room.

I had to keep my hair like that for about 2 and a half weeks then my foster mum bought a hair dye from the local chemist and dyed my hair dark again. It was a real moment amongst many others where I realised no matter how hard I tried I could never easily fit in with the crowd. Maybe I wasn’t meant to.

As I have aged, now 30 years old. I have realised something important. People fight very hard in this life to be different, stand out and be truly themselves. I naturally stood out, ok it attracted negative attention but when you don’t fit in to the norms of society or look a little bit different people will sometimes see you as a target. I even fixed my crooked nose surgically thinking that would help but honestly, it’s still a little crooked and it makes no difference. I am who I am, we are all unique and brilliant in our own way. Embrace it, don’t just conform and follow the crowd. You can’t count on other people to treat you well and be kind to you, but you can be kind to yourself and accept yourself for who you truly are.