Yes, I Can. It’s an attitude

The “Yes I Can” Attitude

Attitude is everything in life. Your attitude will make you or break you. It is the most influential voice you hold. Your attitude will either amplify your ability to succeed or it will DIM your LIGHT.

In order for you to get the essence of what I am talking about, I must tell you my personal journey of the “Yes I Can” Attitude. This attitude was developed over time and my parents have been an integral driving force to its development. My parents taught me we must always pave our own way because in life you will hit many roadblocks to keep you off course. We must not go around them but face them head on. I have been taught to always use your voice, stay “present”, know who you are, and know your HISTORY. I was taught nothing in life worth having comes easy, you must work hard, be persistent, be resilient, and do “whatever it takes”. In addition, this attitude emulates passion, compassion, and the understanding when we fall, we must get right back up.

Although I was raised in this culture of the “Yes I Can” attitude sometimes life can throw you a curveball. A curveball my life knows all too well. I was 23 years old when I met this man who was charming, nice on the eye, and knew how to make a woman feel good. He was intellectual, had a job, a car, and appeared to have it all together. At the same time, I was attending college working on my bachelor’s degree. I was falling for a man who I thought had my best interest at heart. Slowly the nicely put together man, became my biggest demise. This man was not so brilliant, put together, and he was not everything that he appeared to be.

We quickly became pregnant with our first son a year after meeting. This would be the first of many obstacles. You see, at the same time I found out I was pregnant, I also was waiting for the results of written exam for the State Police. To no surprise, I passed the exam and was expected to return for the physical testing. It was then my life encountered a question of SACRIFICE, do I continue my career path as a State Trooper or do I choose to be a mother. Little did I know, the choice of becoming a mother would have a pivotal impact on my life moving forward. In March 2002, I gave birth to my first son, but the preceding 10 months of my life can only be described as chaotic. The relationship with my unborn child’s father was unstable and I knew I needed to complete school to create financial stability so I can raise this baby. This took me right back to that “Yes I Can” Attitude. The attitude of pushing through the chaos and uncertainty, while staying focused on the goal.

This relationship became a roller coaster of emotions, one moment everything was fine and then the next complete chaos. I was left to raise our son alone while he did whatever he wanted with no recourse, consequence, or responsibility. However, in May of 2002 I graduated with honors in Psychology. I utilized that attitude and rose above the chaos and mess.

The next three years my life became a “nest of fire”. I was faced with many emotional obstacles and the reality of my dignity being stripped through lies and deceit. My so-called man was about to be a father again by another woman. Despite his lies, I was a true believer that people make mistakes, people can change, and giving up was not the answer. Again, it was that ATTITUDE. that “Yes I Can” Attitude. The I can get through anything ATTITUDE. That I can make a difference ATTITUDE. The resilient ATTITUDE that pushed me moving forward despite any adversity.

Our relationship continued even though it was filled with turmoil. As the relationship continued to fail, my focus in establishing a career was ignited. My hard work and dedication landed me a job with the State of NJ. To offset my worry and fears, I went back to school to obtain my master’s degree. School became my biggest outlet for my struggles and incompetence as a woman and a mother. Regardless of this failing relationship, I continued onward. They say if you fail, you must fail forward. Keep going no matter what. That is exactly what this ATTITUDE is all about. It’s about the, YES, I CAN!

In 2005, I built my dream home; I was juggling work, motherhood, and my sanity. Five months after moving in, I became pregnant with our second son. When he found out I was pregnant he immediately denied the child was his. Once again, I took the role of motherhood alone. I had to; I did not have a choice if I wanted to succeed. Again, I continued with that “YES I CAN” attitude.

I finished up my school and work week on a Friday, gave birth to my son on a Saturday then continued back to school on a Monday. Nothing was holding me back to finish that degree, not a man, not a chaotic life, and not a child. Through it all I pushed with that attitude even when it felt like I could not. I was an honor student, my career was expanding, and my children were thriving.

On the exterior, one would see a woman accomplishing her dreams; however, the experiences I endured behind those four walls were incomprehensible and would have “broken” someone to complete devastation. I was a victim of domestic violence, hidden behind my success. I kept all that was happening, internal and allowed it to resonate with me. My days were normal at work, but when I returned home there was name calling, my belongings being thrown out, my children watching me be thrown out of a car and being left stranded in an unfamiliar town. Yet again, I said, “YES I CAN”, I can do it regardless of my circumstances. I will prevail.

But again, I continued to allow the chaos to continue in my home. There were another two incidents of domestic violence requiring police response before I graduated with my master’s degree. Although I was doing well to the outside world, my world inside my household was rapidly falling apart. There were six more 911 calls to my home ranging from stalking and destroying my belongings to throwing us out of the home and randomly dropping my kids off at my job.

I had to pick up every piece that was broken in my life and put it back together for the sake of my children and for my own sanity. Still, I stayed in the chaos. In 2009, I began to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a doctor. For two more years I sucked up the emotional turmoil and kept normalcy for my children the best I could. It was then on July 3rd, 2011 that my life would change forever. It was the day he decided to run myself and my girlfriend off the road. It was the day I took my strength, power, and voice back. I said enough was enough, left the relationship, and never returned.

It was at that moment, this “YES, I CAN” attitude came into total fruition. It was then I forged forward to become the woman I am today: successful, triumphant, resilient, bright, and powerful.

Today I stand continuing to build the “YES I CAN” legacy of strength, power, love, and success.