Writing About Writing

Now look. I don't want a bunch of people telling me that I am a good writer, this is not what this piece is about. As our friends over the pond might put it...don't blow smoke up my butt.

I’ve been on Vocal before, but returning to this platform has shown me that, while I thought I was good at writing, sadly, I am not. This is a bit of shock for me, because when I was at school, I was a good writer. I got good marks, consistently. I got my English O level a year early, and I got a grade A, the top grade.

Even before that, I was a good reader. I had a reading age of eleven when I was 7 years old. By the time I was eleven, my reading age was of a 16 year old. So, I was always told that I was good at reading and I would be good at writing.

You know these things stay with a woman. Part of my identity is/was this idea that I was good at what I did, that is, write. I’ve written loads of articles and been paid for what I do!

Then, my dear husband, who also writes, found Vocal. I wasn’t impressed by it at first. Truth be told, I struggle with overwhelm quite often. So, feeling like I had to reply to every comment, read lots of other authors' writing, participate in challenges official and unofficial got a bit too much for me. I went off and wrote very little. It was a bit sad really, because I missed the camaraderie found at Vocal.

There was an element of Vocal being Paul’s thing, too. When he won his first prize, I was hugely proud of him. But part of me realised if I had entered that challenge maybe I would be partly proud and partly envious. I didn't want to feel like that about my husband. I don’t want to compete against him.

(Having said that, he is entering the same challenges as me, so I think maybe I have to just get over myself!)

Also, around that time, I got back into my art for a while (coincidence? I think not!), so my attention was distracted from Vocal. I didn’t stop writing entirely; I have written a few poems and bits during my absence, carefully stored in my phone. But largely, I stopped.

Why am I not the good writer I thought I was? There are many parts to the answer. One thing is that writing is like a muscle; the more we write, the better we are at writing. Simply doing the same thing, again and again, is the best way to improve.

I am not a fan of those “helpful” programs like Grammarly, combined with a drop in confidence. I know I like to check my spelling and grammar. But it also comes up with suggestions which end up changing my voice. And I like to write in my own voice.

I see the changes Grammarly suggests, and they do look good. They look better than I would write. So I end up taking their suggestions, but I don’t know that it is the best idea. I think it makes my writing flatter, and less interesting.

Also, I live in a busy household. While I have been writing this, someone interrupted me to chat. Another interruption - a phone call from my daughter. Every time a person is interrupted doing a task their IQ lowers for a while. The brain simply cannot have too many “tabs open”. Our attention span is finite.

These things add up, too. I am not making excuses, or maybe I am, but I think they do have an effect - certainly on me.

I have three main hobbies in my life. I write, paint and crochet. At the beginning of the year I thought about which one I want to focus on this year. I like the thought that I have my one thing, the one thing I care about most, the one thing I want to be good at. I went through my options and I have decided that yes, this year will be the year I write. I have no doubt that I will also paint and crochet, but writing is going to be my main focus.

With that decided, I have thought about the New Year's resolutions I might be able to put into action. First, I thought I might decide to attempt every Vocal challenge. No matter if I liked it or not. Then, I thought I will write every day. A great plan, but not necessarily possible for me.

Some of you may know I have disabilities. They aren’t the sort of disabilities where you know you can’t do something always; they vary day to day. I wake up every day to see how I am. I might be good, I might be bad, I might be in between. It makes long-term plans a bit hit-and-miss, to say the least.

I’m going to say this. During 2025, I am going to write often. I am going to focus on improving. I am going to do my best. I have two books planned, a fiction book and an anthology. My fiction is already planned out in my head, and I have written plans too. My chapter plan is a work in progress. My characters have wee personalities, I am getting to know their idiocrasies. I am committed to self-publishing both this year.

I am also going to write in my own voice. Grammarly can correct my grammar, but it isn’t going to rewrite my pieces. I am a bit wordy, and that’s something I am going to work on, but without Gramarly’s help.

I’m nervous and excited. I want to soar and become the author I feel I ought to be!

But more realistically, perhaps, I want to improve in the way I communicate via writing. I want to express the characters' emotions in a way that touches the reader. I want to write so readers are so enthralled they don’t want to put my writing down.

You know when you are so into a book that you take it with you when you go to the bathroom? The one you read in the bath because you love it so much? The one with characters you miss when you have finished reading it?

That’s the way I want to write.