Why You Are Only Surviving and Not Thriving
A guide to money management and achieving your goals
This morning my mom (47 years old) asked me if I thought I was better than her. Flabbergasted, and a little bit offended, I asked her why. According to her, I just think I'm better than her because I live in a 2,500 sqft home, I have my own business, my fiance makes a great amount of money (45k+/yr), and we have our puppy and our son to go along with us, yet we aren't struggling one bit. To which I responded, "No??? Why would I think I'm better than you??? You're my mom. If I actually thought that, that would make me a pretty bratty kid" (I used other words, but we can't curse here so 😂).
Anyways, after a few words of encouragement to my mom, I started thinking, "Gee, this is exactly how I was thinking for the past four years. Now, look where I'm at." I guess when I was thinking these things it probably had more to do with the fact that I was jealous, and quite honestly didn't think I'd ever get to this point. Now I'll admit that I had help, however, I did run a business and do everything I could have possibly done at home. After all of my hard work, I kinda felt like I deserved the life I live now. Unfortunately though, in many cases, feeling entitled to something is not how you achieve your goal, and it's definitely not how I achieved mine.
For me, happiness has not always been a strong suit, but perhaps faking my happiness in order to please others was. For instance, every crappy job I ever had always pushed us to perform customer service roles, and I had made it my goal to make others as pleased as possible, while still maintaining a quality attitude. It came easily since that's what I was raised to believe and do, even if it meant others would basically take advantage of me. I did, however, know that I didn't just want to be known as the girl who was kissing everyone's butt. I also knew that I had always wanted to run my own business, and make it successful, so I couldn't just let people walk all over me if that's truly what my initial goal was going to be. So, I set a time-frame, set exactly what I wanted to achieve by then, and also set aside some money to make sure I could put it into my goals.
Unfortunately, it didn't come that easy. You see I wasn't just an aspiring entrepreneur who dreamed of owning her own business and grew successful overnight. instead, I was faced with many different obstacles such as anxiety, bipolar disorder, and most importantly the inability to say "NO!" Between having a mania episode, and spending all of my money to be what I thought was "happy," using it towards my 13-year-old car, and working a minimum wage job where everyone was jealous of me due to a promotion I had gotten shortly after being hired, I often found myself feeling defeated. Sure I had my own apartment with my boyfriend, but I would constantly fight about money, and why others could do whatever they wanted, but I couldn't. So basically I was your average selfish 18 year old with no real plan, just an idea of what I wanted, and no plan to get there. I smoked weed (If you do I'm not trying to offend). I was on food stamps (No offense to people on them, because they are a great resource when needed). I didn't know who I was, but yet I kept questioning why I was on the brink, if not in the middle, of a mediocre lifestyle. It wasn't until I set aside my own selfish desires, and truly focused on what needed to be done (which took three years by the way), that I really knew what living life was about.
So what does it really mean to live life?
1. Don't be selfish, BUT don't put yourself in a position where you are constantly unhappy, and not accomplishing anything you set out for.
What I mean by this is, make sure you are making progress towards your goals, but also don't forget who you are in the process. Once you forget who you are, you will be living someone else's life, not yours. That SUCKS!
2. Save up money, BUT also set aside some to splurge.
After all, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
3. Set realistic expectations.
For example, if you want to go to be an astronaut, don't set a goal for tomorrow to be your first mission to the moon. Instead, make smaller goals that will guide you to that eventual mission to the moon. It's always good to think big, but if you set unrealistic expectations, you will only set yourself up for failure, and defeat the entire purpose of setting your main goal in the first place.
Think positive, but not TOO positive. If you are looking for someone to motivate you, I highly recommend Gary Vee. I follow him on Instagram, and I'm constantly finding ways to push myself out of my comfort zone after listening to him.
4. Set your sights on multiple things, but make sure they don't cancel each other out.
Also, don't forget to not overwhelm yourself with all of your goals. This is also where setting small goals comes in so that you can eventually get to your main goal. It's hard (especially for those like me who come up with one million great ideas and ways to achieve them during their manic state, and then sign up only to realize later that there's no way), but it's not impossible.
5. Make sure the goal that you are setting is ACTUALLY something YOU ENJOY!!!
I cannot stress this enough! We as people are constantly evolving, so it's ok to change your mind. Don't feel like just because when you were eight you wanted to be a surgeon that now you HAVE to be a surgeon. You'll just hold yourself back, and, in the end, never be happy.
So there you have it; five ways to make sure you are living, and not just surviving your life. Good luck on finding where you are truly meant to be, and what makes you happy! I will be cheering you on from the sidelines!