Why Being Insecure Helped Me Be Confident

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I heard this saying a couple of years ago " confidence isn't, they'll like me. confidence is I'm fine if they don't." That. Is. Power. "I'll be fine if they don't." As a recovering people pleaser, this left me starry-eyed and gave me an epiphany that the world doesn't end if you aren't able to please someone. I remember in my p.e class in ninth grade if the girls didn't like you, suddenly you were supposed to stop existing just because you didn't fit in their idea as being "acceptable." Well, I sigh for, ever falling into that trap and giving them my power. It was eye-opening to see years later that they themselves had that same fear that tried so hard to project onto me. 

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Everyone is Insecure

That voice that seems to be negative most of the time, it's annoying and it's uncomfortable to have. It would be nice if that voice was never there but it's always going to be. Always. Accepting it and allowing that voice to nag all it wants but understanding that it's just that a voice, a mere thought. It means nothing because it's not real; everyone is insecure about something. Be gracious with your thoughts and mindful of how you project those insecurities onto others because that feeds the cycle. One of my favorite quotes by Kobe Bryant says "I have self-doubt. I have insecurity. I have fear of failure. I have nights when I show up at the arena and I'm like, 'My back hurts, my feet hurt, my knees hurt. I don't have it. I just want to chill.' We all have self-doubt. You don't deny it, but you also don't capitulate to it. You embrace it." 

Focus On What Makes You Happy

You know if I wasn't so occupied about "fitting in" and comparing myself to my peers who probably didn't even think twice about me I would have been so happy. I feel pretty silly now for trying so hard to please people who didn't matter when they aren't living or ever going to live my life for me. It seems so easy, right, to just ignore what other people have to say? To ignore the doubt. It's not, but take this as a challenge. In order to grow you need to be uncomfortable. There is no one in charge of our happiness other than us. No matter what anyone has to say, their opinions don't mean anything if we choose not to believe them, that holds true with pessimistic thoughts in our head. We don't have to believe doubtful thoughts that are holding us back. In the end, everyone is focused on themselves, so whose permission are you waiting for? Live your life. 

It's Freeing to Only Please Yourself

Again, it's not the easiest thing to do to just ignore the unwanted commentary. However, it is such a weight off your shoulders to let go of the idea people have of you. Our mind drifts away with fearful thoughts about being judged and there's this unknown sense of uncertainty. It's upsetting when someone puts their unwanted opinion of how we should be living. It ends up leaving us with doubts and questioning ourselves if we're doing something wrong? There is no right or wrong way to be you! 

Being Comfortable In My Own Skin

I would be lying if I said I don't cringe from time to time thinking about the days when I was fourteen, boy was I a hot mess. I'm in my twenties and I still have acne and I can't carry a conversation to save my life, but I am comfortable in my own skin. You know why because I've let go. I let go of this idea of perfection and I've come to realize that I am who I am for a reason. Sure, I didn't fit in with a group of people but there are other's who accepted me for who I am. Besides the only person whose opinion matters is mine. I'd like to believe that I think this way all the time… I have my moments but when I do have that difficulty I feel it. I surrender myself to that feeling because in order to be truly comfortable with yourself you have to accept everything, the good and the bad. 

Confidence is a muscle that we have to exercise. I used to think that some people are just born with confidence and that people like me were doomed to be like this for the rest of our lives. Thankfully that's not the case! As with any skill you have to keep working at it and don't believe those moments of doubt. Surrender to the feeling but don't believe it. Through it, that's where you start to bloom. Confidence is power and it is your power.