Where Were You Last Year? Pt. 1

Sometimes, I just think about what I was doing on this day, last year. It's interesting to try and think back to this day last year. What were you doing? Where did you go? Who were you friends with at the time? What did you do leading up to this very special day? How was your life at the time? How is it different now?

I don't know. It's crazy how the days seem to layer together and create a haze as thick as a fog bank. But on my 17th birthday, I'm pretty sure my uncle took me out surfing in the morning. I came late to school. My uncle didn't lie (like I told him to) about me coming late, because my school had a zero-tolerance for coming late to school because of surfing kind of policy going on. I got a detention for it and was angry about that. My sweet uncle tried to make up for it by getting me an acai bowl—which I gladly took, but was still infuriated about the detention thing. I remember feeling happy that I was getting closer to being an adult, but I felt lonely at the same time. No one knew it was my birthday nor celebrated it, really. It's kind of my fault because I didn't tell anyone or remind anyone. I didn't think it mattered at the time. But it was weird to think that I was only 17 and I felt lonely... even though I was surrounded by people who loved me, I felt alone on my birthday. It was kind of the first birthday where I felt like an adult—alone and waiting for someone to say something to me. I've noticed that about adults. They wait for people to say, "happy birthday!" or wait to see if anyone can tell that they're a year older, even though they don't make it prominent nor does anyone know...

But I remember it was a sunny. Clear. A classic SoCal day at the end of August. I remember my friends celebrating with me at lunch, but after school ended, it was pretty much the same same. I actually officially started work on my birthday which I had mixed feelings about. I was happy to have a job because a job meant money in the bank every two weeks but it sucked that I couldn't enjoy my own birthday. Being around a bunch of screaming kids and having to work until nine at night and come home with homework is not ideal. I was tired by the end of the day and I still had homework to do, so it kind of really wasn't a great birthday. I remember I was kind of pissed about it. My mom and dad didn't get why I was mad on my birthday.

It's just interesting to think about where you were a year ago. What were you doing? Who were you at that moment and time in your life? How have you changed? How have you grown? Or maybe you're like me where you're the same. Do you still have the same people in your life or are they long gone and changed—just like you? It's interesting to think about what you were thinking in and at that time of your life. What your mentality was. Often, you aren't the same you you were last year. I often think about what I was thinking about a year ago. Some people may call it "being stuck in the past," but I don't. It's self-reflection. Life moves too fast and sometimes it gets too overwhelming. That's why I drown myself out in nature and then write afterwards. But we're all getting older by the second and dying by the day. Our lives aren't on island time and most of us seek to do more. So, therefore, our lives moves fast. We are constantly inseparable with change. It surrounds us. Engulfs us and our daily doings. That's why I take the time to ask those questions, like, "where was I last year?" It's a cool reflection to think about. You feel old, and you feel like your time clock is ticking, but still you feel a sense of nostalgia and love and growth and pain all in one big ball of emotion that you drown out most of the time. I think people don't want to look in the past because it's too painful to think about growing up and dying. I look at it as, "wow, I still have so much to do and so much to grow from because I was (this this and this) last year."

I hope that this year is better. I hope that this year I actually change for the betterment of myself to be a better person to the people surrounding me. I actually have something or someone to celebrate with even though I live 300 miles away from my home, my friends, and my family. I think even though my birthday day might not be that special, it's the events surrounding it that will be. It's the things leading up to and after that will be the fun part. If it isn't, well, I guess there's 21. But I'm going to try my hardest to make it rad.