What I Am

A lot of things have come into light with me. From work, to my writing, to finally waking myself up. It took a while to figure it out, but I was finally able to get some answers. I was freaking out about it for the past year or so, and I didn't know what to think of it. I just took it in stride. It's one of those things you want to deny, but then, you start to accept it. With that being said, here's what I have discovered about myself.

I started to write the first installment of a trilogy, based on one of my favorite bands. It wasn't until chapter six I started to notice things. At first, I just thought they were coincidences, didn't think anything of it. Now, each character I write is based off someone I know in my real life. That being said, I was texting my cousin and I used her name as the mom for a character. That character being the mom of the lead singer of the band. It wasn't until after I posted the chapter on the website, I got an eye-opening surprise.

I was doing a little more research for the band just to get some facts right and just to get more ideas. During that time, I discovered that the name I decided to use for the mom ended up being the lead singer's mom's actual name! Now, of course, I'm a little freaked out, because I didn't know the mom's name. I just thought my cousin's name was perfect. So I freak out and I just stopped what I was doing and started to pace around my house. It actually made me stop writing for a couple of months. That's not the only thing that has happened.

A few more things just so happened to come to life after I would write them in a fictional story. From me describing a very busy night at work. To having coworker working in a department he doesn't normally work. To an engagement, and marriage. I just needed answers. I also didn't really have anyone to talk to at this point. So I just kept it to myself. For about a year, I kept it to myself. Until my buddy came into town.

I haven't seen him in four years, and he came over for Easter dinner. After dinner, we went outside so I could check out his truck. We get to talking some more, catching up. That's when I told them about what has been going on with me. He just smiles and tells me I need to see a friend of his. He had some stuff going on with him too and he wanted to pay a visit. About a week later, we were off.

We met up at the mall and walked around for a bit. After about an hour or so, we get into his truck and we left the mall parking lot. I told him that we still have to see his friend, and that's when he tells me we were headed that way. We caught up some more and just made small talk. Before we knew it, we arrived at a small shop. Little shop hidden behind a corner store. He parks his truck and we made our way through the door. As soon as we walked in this woman gives us a big smile and says, "I knew you were coming!"

"I knew you were coming! Something told me you were coming. It said, 'someone's coming, it's a man, and he's important to you.'" She smiles and gives my buddy a big hug. The two have known each other for a long time and I couldn't help but smile at their interaction. When she lets go of him, she turns to me and welcomes me with a hug like an old friend. We both briefly tell her what's been going on with us and she listens closely. She tells us what she thinks, and for us to wait.

She had someone before us. We told her we had time to kill. So we just sat in these really comfortable chairs and scrolled through our phones. He was so excited for me to get answers, I felt the same for him. We both had things going on in our life and just needed a few answers. I've always been a little skeptical about psychics, but this was different. 20 minutes go by and she comes out of her reading room with a woman. This was the moment of truth.

My buddy and I follow her into her reading room and we all sit down. My buddy goes first and tells her about a dream he had. He was worried about his wife, who was coming up for a visit the next weekend. There was also a festival going on the same weekend. She nods and starts her reading. She tells him his grandmother is with us. He didn't tell her his grandmother passed away a couple of months ago.

She then tells him to put up his wards and to just be careful. He nodded and then asked about children. She flipped her cards over and asked if they were having trouble conceiving. He informed her that his wife had a miscarriage. She nodded and tells him that she sees a little boy and a little girl making their way back to him. I turned my head to him and gave him the biggest smile. He nodded, let out a sigh, and smiled as well.

She smiled and told him once again to put up his wards and to be careful at the festival. He nodded and said he would be. Then, they both turn to me and I explain what's going on with me. I give her a few examples of what's been going on. She nods and tells me I'm a Seer, as well as an Automatic Writer. It all started to come together. Before I go further, I just want to point out, that on this day it was the first time this woman has met me.

I give her my full name and she tells me I have a grandmother and a grandfather with me. I start crying because I lost my grandmother, my dad's mom, about four years ago. I lost my grandfather, my mom's dad, when I was in high school. I miss them and it was just a shock that she said that. She then says that I was turning my depression around, but started reverting back to it. I told her a FRIEND passed away on Easter. She smiled and said HE just popped in to say he's okay.

She asked me what I was doing to protect myself, and I told her all I had was a quartz crystal. She said that I need other things and a spell to protect me or I would become overwhelmed with a lot of energies. Which has been happening for a while. She told me she can help me hone in on what I can do, and to help ground myself. I smiled and nodded, getting a chill. She smiled and told me my grandmother was rubbing my back. Which is what my grandmother used to do.

After my reading, my buddy and her start catching up after not seeing each other for a while. They talk about her ex and how he seems to be not doing so well. She says that it doesn't surprise her, but she wishes no ill will towards him. A few more minutes of them catching up and I kindly interrupt. They both smiled and I asked my question. She flipped her cards over to give me information and some guidance on what I can do. My buddy just looked at me and smirked.

When we ended the session and walked out of her reading room, we both gave her a hug and she reminded me to learn how to hone in and ground myself. I told her thank you and that I would be back for guidance. My buddy and I leave the small shop and go back his truck. I'm bursting with energy and all this new information. I'm also worried about it. I didn't want to question my Faith in God.

He reassures me that I don't have to. I can still keep my Faith and still believe in the spiritual aspect as well. We continue to talk and I asked for advice on what I should do. He smiled and told me to go with my gut feeling. We make more small talk and we arrive back at my car. We go to the bookstore to try and find a spell book so I can protect myself. I never thought I would come to own a spell book.

After about an hour of searching, we both find one for ourselves and we check out. We chat some more and I'm just excited that I'm able to get some answers about this. I just have to learn how to hone it, protect myself, and just be careful not to overdo it. We leave the bookstore and we say our byes. I drive home with a new outlook on everything. I want to know more. I want to learn more.

Ever since that day things have been happening. I've been seeing colors around people. Never thought about it before, but now I do. I tried to push through someone's aura, only to have a headache, and it felt as if my nose was gonna bleed. For about a week, I was excited about it. After that, I was being drained. I was being drained so much.

I'm still learning how to hone in on what I can do. I'm still learning how to protect myself. I'm still learning how to not have other people's emotions get to me. I'm still learning about spells and about crystals that can protect me. It's a lot to take in, but I'm slowly learning. It's amazing what I can learn about myself and what I can do. I slowly started to see things in a new light.

I've actually started to take small steps to fulfill my dream of being a writer. I don't know why I'm pushing so hard, but something keeps telling me to not give up. So much so I've sent my story in, I've pitched an idea to a news outlet, and I was finally able to tell my job that I'm frustrated. Sure, I've had a string of some bad luck. It's not bringing me down. I keep looking forward, not backward. I just gotta keep going.

Finding out things about yourself is amazing. Things you didn't know about yourself will surprise you. Good or bad, take it in stride and just let it ride out. There's going to be things you don't want to know, and things you want to know. But in the end, you'll learn something or some new things about yourself. It's crazy to learn them, but at the same time satisfying. Don't be afraid to do so.

The more you learn about yourself, the more comfortable you will be. It'll be worth it in end. Keep discovering and keep learning. There's nothing wrong with wanting to know more. You may surprise yourself and may even improve yourself in a way. You'll start seeing things in a new light, and have a new outlook on life. Don't be afraid to discover who you truly are.

It'll worth it in the end.