We have a Choice in Despair

You have choice.

It might not feel like it right now, when you feel in such despair, but you do.

The wonderful Nelson Mandela really captured that sense of freedom in choice we all have when he said: "Even behind prison walls, I can see the heavy clouds and the blue sky over the horizon."

Our life is all about perception - we can see our prison bars or we can see what's beyond them. He spoke of how the biggest challenge he had in solitary confinement was his mind. Isn't this our greatest prison - our mind?

We make choices every day - when to get up, what to eat, what direction to take to our jobs, what to watch, listen to, consume. Everyday we make little choices that then become habits which then become our routines and then our lives.

But what about the big decisions?

Careers, relationships, life choices, health? Why does it seem so weighty for these decisions even though we undergo the same process of choice - we have a choice. But we put more worry and anxiety into these because they seem so much more important. And yet, those little choices ARE our lives.

In every moment of our life we are presented with choice:

You have a choice to make your bed in the morning.

You have a choice to eat nutritious food.

You have a choice to leave that job/relationship/situation.

But sometimes we get something out of staying. We get a payoff in staying in the story that we tell ourselves that begins with "I'm not enough". I'm not good enough for that job, or a better relationship or that dream or great adventure. It is our inner voice which can define whether we make a decision.

Pragmatism stops us from making choices.

Self-doubt stops us from making choices.

Fear stops us from making choices.

A sense of doing what's right stops us from making choices.

But at the end of our lives, we will have made our choices. There is no way to turn back the clock, so in the present moment, we need to make choices and back them. We need to choose to live the life we want, otherwise the years will tick by and before you know it, your loved ones will be surrounding you saying their goodbyes.

We need to choose what we want for our lives.

You have permission to choose.

You don't need my permission. Or anyone else's but sometimes it's nice to hear that we have permission to choose a life of our making, not of our habits.

So, here are some tips to help you make choices in your life:

1. If you have a choice between two options, flip a coin.

It's in that moment when the coin is in the air that you really decide what it is you want. I have met a man who makes all of his decisions this way, the key is point number 5, commitment.

2. Affirm each choice and see how it feels.

Say: "I am going to become a world class chef," or whatever it is you are choosing - say it with enthusiasm. How does it feel when you say that statement? Say your other options. Do you feel fear, resistance? Or do you feel joyful and happy? Go with what brings you joy. What makes your heart sing.

3. Make a list of the pros and cons.

An oldie but a goodie. When you can see it all down on paper, it's easier to compartmentalise. It's also good to look at it a few days after writing it down. That distance can give perspective.

4. Remember, whatever decision or choice is made, most (but not all) decisions are reversible.

Death, for example, is not reversible. There is always a way out of the emotional pain, even if you can't see it - if this is you - please see a professional psychologist to help you find your way out. Read about my experience with this here. But most other decisions are reversible. If you try a new job and don't like it, you are not bound by it, even contracts today can be exited.

5. Commit to your decision.

If you make a decision, you need to look forwards and not backwards at what could have been. There is nothing to be gained in regret except unhappiness. Committing to a decision, a person, a path, a career means you will commit to it until you make a new decision and that decision will be right, no matter what you choose.

6. Your worth is not attached to your decision.

You are a beautiful, wonderful human being. Let your light shine because no matter what decision you make, it's the right one. It doesn't make you a lesser person for choosing the road less travelled.

7. You have permission and the freedom to choose.

We are so fortunate to live in a world where we do have choice. It is a position of privilege and while I'm aware that some people are in horrific circumstances, like Nelson Mandela, it's about how we view it: whether we choose to see our life's choices as a barrier or a freedom.

You don't need anyone's contribution to your decision, you are a soverign being and your decisions are your own. This is the great paradox of life. It is about choice. We can choose to sit in the story of failure or take a new path. Or as the wonderful Robert Frost said in the poem: The Road Not Taken "I took the one less travelled by and that has made all the difference."

May your choices be driven from your heart and from love.

Alyssa

© Alyssa Curtayne 2021