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We All Need to Define “Success” for Ourselves

"There is no such thing as 'what to do' with your life." -Lori Deschene

By Samyog kandelPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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We All Need to Define “Success” for Ourselves
Photo by Ruthson Zimmerman on Unsplash

"There is no such thing as 'what to do' with your life." -Lori Deschene

How often do you think what success means to you?

If there is anything like my little person, that probably will not be the case. It's not that I didn't want to succeed. It was just not something I had ever considered. No one ever asked me about it or encouraged me to think successfully. I just sucked at the people and cultures around me, looking at how they lived and what was important to them.

From what I saw around me, I incorporated a vague concept of success as looking like a decent job with a house with a dining room and beautiful green grass. So that's what I was going to do. I would follow that success plan and live happily ever after. How could something go wrong with this program? Who would not want these things?

I would make this dream come true. I went to college, got a good job at a company, and waited for the happiness to subside. It didn't. I was so frustrated with my job that I gave up trying to find another job. And then another different position.

Along the way, I became a homeowner with a dining room and beautiful green grass. Okay, happiness - I’m ready! But it turned out that I hated grass storage, and the dining room collected dust because it could not be used.

This was not going as planned. I was confused. I did all the “right” things, so why would I not feel better about my life?

Because I wasn't really living my life. I lived by the ideas of others about how I should live my life.

That's a big difference.

When we are young, our understanding of who we are and how the world operates comes from what we see around us. For the most part, you don't ask because it's common. Your normal appearance is defined by your family, friends, community and culture. Whether you are told clearly or by the way you see people behaving, you are learning the rules and expectations of your world.

As a child, your job is to follow rules, such as going to school, finishing your homework, doing your homework, being nice, and doing what you are told to do. And by following the rules and meeting these expectations, you are rewarded. You get good marks, compliments, maybe a trophy or a grant.

You are expected to stay in line, set goals for your education, and make your way into the world as a responsible adult. Though the people who led you on this path were right, it is one equal path to the accepted notion of success that has never been questioned.

And that is the problem. Because one size does not fit all. That approach may be perfect for some people, and that's fine for them. They can take rules and expectations and run with them.

But for everyone else, it's a different story. Does this sound familiar? You did everything as expected, you followed the rules… but, you wonder why you are not happy. You have worked hard to get here. Your life looks good on paper, but it doesn't make sense what it looks like. Is this the success that should be felt about us?

(Suggestion: No!)

It is important to understand that you did not do anything wrong. Follow the clear path laid before you when you do not know the other way. But following someone else's view of success is like wearing an adult's clothing: it doesn't fit and feels really uncomfortable.

But even then, when we are shaken by the transformation of the still clothes of our lives, we sometimes continue to delve into the idea of ​​the success we have been given. Because what else do you have? You have not been instructed in any other way.

It is like driving a car into a ditch and then stepping on a gas pedal. He puts more effort into something that doesn't work, pushing himself further into a seemingly inevitable course. You end up stretching, tired, overworked, and frustrated that you can’t make this better.

When the old way doesn't work and you're ready for change, it's time to make your own definition of success.

This means you decide what success looks like for you, in terms of your goals. You stop moving in the wrong direction. It reveals what is important to you and lives your life in harmony with your values.

This is very different from following someone else's plan for your life. It’s about deliberately and honestly choosing how you want to live and focusing on what it means the most to you.

This does not mean that you have to turn your life around and turn it around (although it is possible). Sometimes small shifts can make a big difference. There is no right or wrong way - it is very clear to each and every one of us because we create our own unique meaning. (Like an unused dining room in my house - you might want to have a nice place in your home for people to meet.)

Have you ever wondered what you really want? This is a big question. Responding to it may take patience and time.

Also, this may sound a little crazy but you don't want to think too hard about it. Your mind may start to thunder about what you should "do" (which will look similar to the old ways you want to change).

Your in-depth wisdom will provide the answers you seek. You will feel it in your body - the spark, the feeling of freedom, the explosion of joy or enthusiasm - as you discover what is most important to you.

Look at the old idea of ​​success you have been living in. Was the whole idea wrong with you? Or was only part of it a problem? What parts did you enjoy? Your answers will begin to shed light on your new definition of success.

Dig deeper into what you value and what you want most in your life. How do you want to use your time? Where and with whom? Think about all the aspects of your life, not just work, including relationships, mental development, spiritual growth, leisure and recreation, and health and well-being.

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About the Creator

Samyog kandel

I am a passionate writer, trying to inspire other through my story..

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