Toxic Positivity and People with Disabilities

Good vibes only and positivity is a concept where people believe in keeping only the positive and rejecting any negative thoughts and notions is the best way to live.

This approach also believes that you’re in control of your body and what happens to you and that you can simply remove yourself from negative situations. You’re to blame if you stay in the negative situation or thoughts, and you’re to blame for bringing up negativity.

Can you already see where this is going to fail?

Toxic Positivity and Disabilities

Toxic positivity happens when people state issues they’re having problems with, maybe even opening up personally and looking for support and are met with rejection, are dismissed, and instead told to “think positive”.

People with disabilities cannot separate themselves from their “identities” and its impact on their daily lives. It’s a part of who they are and what made them. So, when they speak up about injustices, barriers, and negative experiences we are really educating, informing, searching for solutions, or even taking a stand.

Being told “aww it's not that bad”, “you need to try harder”, “stay strong”, and other crappy, inspirational sentiments is plain ignorance, causes distress, mistrust, anger, and denies people and communities their voice.

Now, I can’t speak for everyone with a disability - I’ll let them tell their own story, I’m telling mine and what I’ve seen happen to my friends.

Its Effect on People with Disabilities

Positivity becomes toxic when it fails to acknowledge the legitimacy of emotions because they’re deemed negative. When negative feelings are not addressed there is no real growth - personal, social, or administrative.

We can’t be Pollyannas’ all the time and we do experience pain, unfair treatment, inequality, and other valid issues that are viewed as “negative”.

Toxic positivity may cause some people with disabilities to:

• Distrust you, the general public, and the system (if you're an employee)
• Doubt their own feelings (and prolonging unnecessary suffering)
• Push them deeper (if in a depression or other mental issue)
• Feel unsafe

Your "negative free" zone does not give you permission to deny ours.

Wearing Blinders

Can another aspect of the toxic positivity be the fear of disabilities? They don’t really want to to see people with disabilities in a negative light or “suffering”. So, these people tell people with disabilities not to focus on what you can’t do, but what you can do.

They post “inspiration porn” and are so happy when a child gets a wheelchair built for them, or are hearing for the first time - they fail to see the underlying issue of the lack of insurance coverage to buy the wheelchair in the first place, or the real work that goes into learning to hear.

An example of toxic positivity is being told:

“Don’t let your disability define you”.

This is utter bullshit. I’m Deafblind, it’s a part of me, it affects every situation of my life from the time I wake up ’til I go to bed, period. I cannot separate my disabilities from who I am as a person.

I cannot dismiss the ignorance of getting hung up on when trying to call through the relay service, or being asked “where’s your caretaker” when I show up with my white cane, or coddled as if I’m also mentally deficient, and “only focus on the positive”. I didn’t become snarky on coffee alone, y’know.

I’ve also been scolded and told to say “I have hearing and visual limitations” instead of Deafblind. First off, no one gets to “label” me except me, secondly, I’m not sugarcoating my life so you can feel comfortable.

Repercussions

One major repercussion against Deaf people and the Deaf community is getting labeled as an “angry Deaf person”.

This happens when more and more Deaf individuals exercise their right to equal access that’s the same as everyone else. We not only fight for access to interpreters but qualified interpreters - in hospitals, courts, education and pretty much everywhere we go.

When Deaf people speak out, we get “hearingsplained” by hearing folks, and scolded by other Deaf.

Here’s an example that happened just recently in an online interpreting group. A poster asked for “positive experiences with interpreters” - this is a huge question because there have been so many issues in the interpreting field lately (maybe that’s another article for another day).

A Deaf friend of mine commented, “Well, if positive experiences occurred more frequently maybe I could.” They received a scolding from another member for not being positive and encouraging. After some back and forth, the member doing the chiding finally commented “…I’m sad for y’all….I’ve seen both sides. I choose to pick the positive one. Peace.” Can you see how people with negative interpreting issues were dismissed, and there still are negative issues to resolve?

My Final Thoughts

My honest opinion of those only seeking positivities are not going to get very far in life. I picture these folks with their eyes closed and fingers in their ears and screaming.

Negative emotions and circumstances are important to process and accept in order to have a truthful view of life. The big difference is not to wallow in it.

Process it, find a solution, fix it, and move on.

Just remember, life has bad moments to help us grow resilient, to expand our views, to appreciate what we have, and to show us what we are truly capable of.