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The Rabbit Hole of Perfection

The Enemy of Great

By Remarkable PeoplePublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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Every generation has been sold a bill of goods about how they should strive to live their lives. In the 1970s, people were promised a life of leisure and freedom at 55, if they worked hard for 35 years with the same employer. In the 90s the myth of perpetual prosperity abounded. One of the great lies of the 21st century is that we should continuously strive for perfection. Be the best you can be.

Perfection is an illusion measured by standards, established by external adjudicators who have an agenda that serves their needs, and that in reality are icons we are chasing to feel better. Icons can temporarily improve our impression of self-worth or dampen undefined sadness, but in a few hours or a few days, we find ourselves chasing different icons to fill a new hole or to try to make ourselves whole. Perfection is fleeting. If I reach the pinnacle, another slope rises up; when I have enough, another desire swells. Perfection, as created by an external standard, is elusive unless you are an Olympic gymnast or figure skater. Finding your personal high standard of great and accepting that you don't need to strive for someone else's imagined goals affords you space for joy, time for relationships, and margin to love yourself and others.

The white rabbit that Alice followed lured her with his fancy coat, pocket watch, and a suggestion-come-promise of something better. While Alice found adventure, both fantastic and frightening, she didn't see a path to satisfaction.

In the pursuit of excellence, we miss amazing adventures. A plan for a perfect vacation probably means that you will be disappointed with the hotel, the weather, the food, or some tour won't live up to your imagined ideal, and you will miss seeing and appreciating the remarkable sunset. The person you love might have an annoying habit of chewing too loud, not cleaning up, or always getting lost, but these aren't reasons to give up on your love and search for the perfect mate. Having a great partner in your life is better than the ideal partner in your head.

Perfection can cause paralysis. I have worked with dozens of creative people who never published or shipped anything. They feared that the work, the painting, or the song could be better. The world never saw their amazing creations because they remain in a book, on a shelf, or in the artist's head. Shipping, publishing, posting, and framing are all scary, but open us up to feedback, both positive and negative. Feedback provides a starting point for reflection, adaption, and innovation.

Three things you can do today to get your head, heart, and hands out of the trap:

1. Appreciate what you have and who you are.

Make a list of five items in each category of things that you are grateful to have in your life: Health, Work, Relationships, Fun, Challenges.

Hold onto the list and each day this week expand the reasons that you are thankful for these 25 opportunities, people, conditions, and possessions.

2. Test your limits by trying a new approach.

Do something scary—meet a stranger without rehearsing the encounter or without setting expectations for the outcomes.

Tell three friends why they are amazing and what you especially admire about them.

3. Show off your works in progress.

Start with a safe show and tell with someone who will be gentle and work your way up to shipping a piece of you to the wide world and watch and learn from the experience.

You can be better; you will be great; you can't be perfect.

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About the Creator

Remarkable People

Writing about observations, ideas, challenges, and people that I find remarkable.

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